Catholic Church adds social media marriage guidelines as more couples meet online

Love may be eternal, but a lot has changed in the world in the last 20 years – not least the growing number of couples who meet online rather than by conventional means.

Social media is making couples, but it can also break them, according to Catholic Church marriage guidance agency Accord which has included guidelines on social media for the first time in its weekend courses for prospective couples who are going to marry in its churches.

Siobhán O’Shaughnessy and Kieran Davey were one of two couples at the annual blessings of engagement rings to mark St Valentine’s Day. The blessing, by Accord president Bishop Denis Nulty, took place at the saint’s relic in Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church on Whitefriar Street Church in Dublin city centre.

St Valentine’s Day this year coincides with Ash Wednesday, the third time in living memory that this has happened. Previously it occurred in 1945 and in 2018. “The choice on Wednesday is either romance or penance,” quipped Bishop Nulty.

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[ Catholics who marry non-Catholics still require bishop’s permission, new guidance points out ]

Ms O’Shaughessy (29) is from Waterford and Mr Davey (28) is from Drimnagh in Dublin. In the real world, their chances of meeting would have been slim. They met through Bumble five years ago and are getting married in Cork’s North Cathedral of St Mary and St Anne on March 16th in front of 180 guests. They both come from big families.

“It’s the way forward. Everything is on social media nowadays,” according to Mr Davey. “I think people who meet each other in real life have already known each other for many years. The most common way for people to meet is if they have known each other a long time or if they meet online.”

Ms O’Shaughnessy said the trend has become more noticeable in the last 10 years. “I only ever hear from friends about meeting their other half on online dating apps. It would be unusual to meet in a bar or anywhere else. It’s a sign of the times.”

Online is the “modern ballroom of romance”, said Accord director Tony Shanahan. He says 22 per cent of married couples surveyed by Accord say the overuse or misuse of social media is a factor in their marriage.

“[Social media] is woven into a number of the modules so that you manage your relationship that it is not an interference. It’s about quality time being quality time. As in everything, it is a matter of negotiation.”

Accord gave marriage guidance counselling to 7,265 couples across the island of Ireland in 2023, slightly down on the 7,470 couples who took its course in 2022.

Recent statistics by Accord show couples are waiting longer to get married. Just six per cent of them get married within two years of meeting, while 44 per cent wait between six and 10 years. Nearly 60 per cent of couples are more than 30 when they get married and 7 per cent are more than 40.

A quarter who attend the Accord marriage counselling already have children together. Among them are Sinéad O’Connor (30) from Newbridge, Co Kildare, and Darren Larkin (29) from Blessington, Co Wicklow.

They have two boys, aged three and five months. “We thought it would be nice to have them there on the day,” said Ms O’Connor. They are getting married in September and she will be changing her name to avoid a life of being confused with the late singer.

They met the old-fashioned way in a pub and are getting married in St Conleth’s Church in Newbridge, near where she grew up.

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