How boarding schools still hold an appeal for some modern families: ‘They’re on screens less’:

Helen Poff, a mother of three in Kenmare, Co Kerry, says she got the fright of her life when her daughter asked to go to Coláiste Íde, an Irish-speaking boarding school in Dingle.

“She was such a home bird,” she says. “She would be the first to jump into bed for a cuddle. I couldn’t get over it. But that was it. One day she just decided she was going. Any of my friends would have advised me against it, but I went with what Lizzy wanted and she absolutely loves it now.”

In this decision, Lizzy is far from the average student in Ireland.

While overall enrolments at second-level schools have grown by between 15-20 per cent over the past decade or more, the numbers attending boarding schools have declined by about 2 per cent.

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Latest enrolment data shows there were 3,557 students boarding in 25 second-level schools in Ireland last year in both the free and fee-charging sectors. Boarding costs range from about €7,500 to just over €21,000 a year.

On one level, the decline in the relative popularity of boarding-in shouldn’t come as a surprise. Better transport, changing family values, improved access to post-primary education and greater awareness over child protection are some of the factors.

So, who are these students, the boarders who make up less than 1 per cent of our student population? Why are some parents continuing to choose boarding schools? And is there a place for boarding schools in modern Ireland?

For mum Helen, boarding school is an ideal environment. She likes that it is an all-girl environment as she feels the students have the freedom to build their confidence and find themselves without worrying about make-up or how they look when socialising with boys.

The atmosphere is not as strict as schools once were, she says, and there is great kindness and understanding shown by staff. With mobile phones, the parent-child separation is eased.

“Lizzy gets to use her mobile phone for half an hour in the morning and for an hour at night, so we talk to each other twice a day. I can also ring the office any time and they will give her their mobile phone so she can talk with us privately. Similarly, if she is feeling lonely or anything during the day, they will let her ring out,” she says.

Helen says she found the initial separation from her daughter difficult, as did Lizzy herself.

“The first year was very difficult. It was like we experienced the empty nest syndrome early. I couldn’t stop crying even though she came home every weekend and Lizzy took a while to settle. But now she absolutely loves it. She’s big into singing and dancing and is competing in a big competition in Dublin with her friends.

“They take [Irish] very seriously in the school and it is amazing to hear her speak fluent Irish now. Students get black spots if they are heard speaking English but to be honest they never seem to add up. It’s just a lovely, lovely school. They go for walks in the mornings and evenings up the mountains. It’s idyllic.”

Different

Many parents, however, see things differently — including those who attended boarding schools themselves.

Patrick, who attended Glenstal Abbey as a student, is now a parent. Despite his own positive experience, he is convinced his parents missed out on a lot of his childhood and adolescence. He doesn’t want the same thing to happen for him.

“While I enjoyed it, I’m not willing to impose it on them. I like seeing what’s happening for my children every day. I like seeing them in the evening, and I like seeing them heading off to school in the morning. I know boarding school students tend to go home more often now but I like seeing my children every day.”

Sarah, who attended a boarding school in Crosshaven, Co Cork, is also adamant she will never send her own children away for school; she says it would break her heart not to see them every day. It was different, she says in her time in the late 1980s and early 1990s, when boarding was a more normal option for students in rural areas seeking to get the best possible education.

“I was happy to go because I’d read so many Enid Blyton books as a girl. Back then it wasn’t so much about being rich. A lot of people went from very rural places because the journey to a good school was so long.”

Some have stronger reasons for not sending children away to be educated.

Nick Duffell, a UK-based psychotherapist, has spent much of his career treating what he describes as the psychological impact of a boarding school education. His suggests that the premature breaking of attachments with parents mean that some had to develop a “strategic survival personality” to get by and have struggled in adult life in areas such as emotional intimacy.

Another psychotherapist, Joy Schaverien, who introduced the term “boarding school syndrome”, has described the impact of long-term emotional neglect, the absence of safety, the loss of love and the vulnerability of young people to abuse. Some of this chimes with recent disclosures of abuse in many privileged Irish schools in the 1960s and ‘70s, in particular.

However, the “boarding master” of an Irish school, who declined to be named, believes such claims are anachronistic.

“It’s rubbish ... Nobody is slapping children on the backs of their heads. We have very high standards of care, and we stick to them rigorously,” he says.

Boarding schools increasingly offer five-day boarding — where pupils return home on weekends — and will also be subject to child protection inspections for the first time this year, though the boarding master says schools have had strong policies on this area for years.

He also argues that there is a “huge” emphasis on pastoral care and support. There are also benefits, he says, in not having parent involvement in everything on a day-to-day level.

“If a child needs to go home there is no issue whatsoever. But sometimes it works out better that a child is on site. If there is conflict in a class, let’s say, I can say ‘let’s sleep on it’. It doesn’t blow up with parents getting involved and potentially making it worse. We deal with it calmly together and that builds independence in the young person,” he says.

So who, exactly, is going to boarding school nowadays?

Barbara Ennis, principal of Alexandra College in Dublin, which has 175 boarders, says there are two groups which dominate: students whose families live outside Dublin, and students from abroad whose parents want them to be educated in Ireland. Fees range from around €18,000-€20,000 for boarders.

She says boarding is much more student-centred nowadays with leisure spaces, quiet rooms, relaxation areas and study areas. The older students have their own rooms, while the younger years have a few students to a room.

“We have study hall from 6.15pm. The younger students finish at 8.15pm and the senior students finish at 9.30pm. We have to check girls in their bedrooms too as they have a tendency to over-study and we want to keep the balance,” Ennis says.

Far being a relic of days gone by, she says boarding schools offer young people vital skills like independence.

“We make sure that students do their own washing and ironing. Parents are sometimes shocked by how well their child can fend for themselves when they return home having spent time here,” she says.

Mark Boobbyer, principal of St Columba’s College, which has more than 200 boarders, says it is an option which appeals to many modern families. It comes at a cost: fees range from €21,000-€25,000 for boarders.

“It is convenient. A lot of busy parents spend their evenings taking their children to various activities. By buying into the boarding school experience, parents get a one-stop-shop.”

He says the structure of the day means children avoid some of the negative distractions which parents can struggle to control.

“Parents are happy about that as it means they’re on screens less. They have limited access to their phones and phones are taken away before bed. Again, parents are happy that the school is managing that for them.”