‘When I got really thin, the girls who taunted me wanted to be friends . . . when I went too far, they dropped me again’

In part due to symptoms often being hidden, there are no official statistics regarding how many people suffer with eating disorders in Ireland. However, it is estimated that between 2 and 3 per cent of the population will be affected by anorexia, bulimia or binge eating at some point in their lives, with almost 1,800 new cases occurring in the 10-49 age bracket in Ireland each year. Women and girls are twice as likely to be affected as men and boys.

There is also no hard-and-fast rule as to why people develop an eating disorder, although some sufferers can link their illness to a traumatic experience.

Anna Gilson has had to deal with anorexia since she was a teenager. She says she feels “triggered” by the recent trend for calorie information on everything from food labelling to restaurant menus.

“I first developed anorexia when I moved to secondary school as I was, at least in my own mind, overweight and unattractive, and found it very difficult to settle into a new school where I didn’t know anyone,” says Gilson.

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“It started off very slowly, as, after reading about different ‘wonder diets’ in magazines or online, I stopped eating breakfast, telling my mum that I’d had something to eat earlier or would pick up something on the way to school.

“I always loved my food so found it difficult in the beginning to go without breakfast as I would be a bit dizzy and light-headed and often compensated by buying a chocolate bar, or sometimes two at break time which, of course, was far more calorific than breakfast would have been.

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“But that stopped when a couple of girls made some nasty comments about ‘fat people being obsessed with junk food’. One of them said it really loudly as they were walking towards me and the rest of them howled with laughter and pointedly looked at me. I wanted to die of shame and, the funny thing is, I wasn’t even very overweight.

“But it was a defining moment and from that day onwards, along with avoiding breakfast, I also cut out the chocolate and would just eat an apple for lunch and then at dinner time, because my parents were working, I could get away with telling them I had already eaten whatever one of them had prepared for us to have that evening.”

The 29-year-old, who lives in Dublin, says that she became so focused on the calorific content in food that she was hardly able to eat at all and ended up losing a “dangerous amount of weight. What started as an experiment to see if losing a few pounds would make me feel more confident, developed into a deep hatred of myself and a total obsession with every morsel which went, or more specifically, didn’t go, into my mouth.

“The diet I had started could have fizzled out once I made a couple of friends, but once I found myself the butt of the ‘popular’ girls’ jokes, I did everything in my power to lose weight. It began to fall off me and although I felt absolutely dreadful physically; couldn’t concentrate at school and was tired and cold all the time, I couldn’t bring myself to eat more than a few handfuls of fruit, vegetables or nuts.

“I read the labels on everything and tried to consume the smallest amount of calories possible – it was all I could think of. When I got really thin, the girls who taunted me suddenly wanted to become my friend and I was initially delighted, in the silly way that teenagers are, but when I went too far and got ridiculously thin, they dropped me again.”

Thankfully, Gilson, who works in finance, says that this was a bit of a wake-up call as it made her realise that the people who she wanted to be friends with were “totally insincere and actually very mean”. So, having spent months insisting to her parents that she was eating enough and wearing baggy clothes to hide the evidence of her starvation, her secret was discovered and she was enrolled on a treatment programme. This took many months of her weight yo-yoing up and down until she finally reached a place where she was able to eat a moderate number of calories every day.

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This improved over time and today, although slim, she “still has issues with food” and says the calorific content on menus can cause her a lot of anxiety. “I don’t think my eating disorder will ever totally be cured, but from day to day, I live with it very well. I have a fairly strict routine about what I buy in the shops and try to avoid looking at calorie contents as it brings back awful memories and instinctively makes me feel very stressed about what I am eating.

“This is something I can avoid when I’m shopping but when I’m in a restaurant which has calories printed on the menu, it makes me feel so stressed out. I know that I’m not being logical, but as soon as I see how many calories is in something, I start panicking about the amount I’m consuming and usually end up having a bowl of soup or a plain green salad which I will pick at throughout the meal and not really eat.

“I have read that people who want to lose weight – but don’t have an eating disorder – like knowing how many calories are in various dishes but I think they should also consider those of us who can be severely affected by this. With all the technology around today, they should have calories on a QR code for anyone who is interested, but for people like me who get very stressed by it, or even those who want to enjoy their meal without feeling guilty, they should not be shoved in our faces on the menu, it’s not helpful. And any place where I have been handed a menu with calories on it, I don’t go back a second time. Having an eating disorder is no joke and I think these things should also be considered carefully.”

Ellen Jennings, communications officer at Bodywhys, the Eating Disorder Association of Ireland, can understand why this would have a damaging effect on people like Gilson. “An eating disorder is a serious and complex psychological illness that affects every aspect of a person’s life, including the way they think, feel and act,” she says. “Vigilance relating to calories is often an element of an eating disorder – and specifics in terms of numbers, be that calories, weights or steps, can be particularly triggering for those affected by an eating disorder, as they are often very aware of the environment around them and can be more vulnerable to making comparisons to what other people are doing, even if the advice does not apply to them or they are unwell.

“When calorie information is provided front and centre, it makes it very difficult for a person to make a food choice that is not influenced by the eating disorder. Eating disorders are not a choice and over time, risky behaviours can lead to a rapid deterioration in a person’s health.”

Jennings says that part of the recovery process involves “moving away from a focus on numbers, recognising that everyone has individual and unique needs and working to re-establish social connections around food” and this can be hindered by an emphasis on calories.

[ Daughter’s eating disorder showed me that our youth mental health services need a major rethink ]

“If the social environment is not supportive of recovery, it may create an additional barrier which may serve to maintain the eating disorder and the control it has over a person’s life,” she says. “Opting for meal choices based on taste and appetite rather than metrics can be an important part of recovery. In this respect, the introduction of calorie information labelling is not helpful for those affected by eating disorders. Additionally, research evidence indicates that there are many factors that play a role in food choices such as the order of how the information is presented, along with taste, price and convenience. There is not enough robust evidence to suggest that putting calories on menus is effective or alters people’s food choices.”

She urges anyone who is having any issues regarding their body image and the food they consume, to reach out for support. “If you are concerned about your relationship with food and your body, please know you are not alone.

“We are here to listen and support you in any way we can. A diagnosis is not required to avail of our support services. If a person feels ready to do so, we offer a range of support services via email, phone and online chat groups for both teenagers and adults. Bodywhys also offers a free family support programme called PiLaR for those who may be supporting someone with an eating disorder.”

• For more information visit bodywhys.ie or call the helpline on 01 2107906.