World Cup hopes set for rollercoaster ride

. 1996 was a tumultuous year for Irish football, what with Big Jack's departure, followed by all sorts of bloodletting in Merrion Square and Mick McCarthy's eventual arrival. Calmer waters ahead then?

. Relatively speaking, yes, though there will still be occasion for some nostalgic reminders of times past. After Macedonia in early April comes the trip to Romania at the end of that month, and with it hosts of replays of that penalty shoot out in Genoa. A chance, alas, for a good Romanian side to exorcise that, memory.

The return game on October 11th, could be immaterial. In the long run, the Republic of Ireland football team's capacity for taking things right to the wire under Jack Charlton should remain undimmed under fantastic. The runners up spot in the World Cup qualifying group is already looking the likelies option, and with it an 8/1 chance of qualifying directly without recourse to a two legged play off. November traditionally being a fraught month, on the Irish political/football landscape, the play off seems almost ordained.

Then it might simply be a question of how McCarthy's luck bears comparison with his predecessor although ultimately it was Charlton's misfortune to draw a crack side last December. McCarthy's Ireland could end up playing the likes of Italy, Yugoslavia, Portugal or Bulgaria, or alternatively something more akin to Greece or Denmark, Switzerland or Hungary. It's a hard one to call, but somehow the crystals ball does not suggest that McCarthy contracted only until the end of the World Cup campaign, will be out of work come Christmas.

Meantime, Glenn Hoddle's Born Again Christians take on Cesare Maldini's Vatican representatives at Wembley on February 12th in a fixture not so resonant of Christian values. Aggie that one.

. You forgot to mention Wimbledon, small forests being cut down to carry speculation on their plans to relocate to Dublin, with a "deal" to be completed imminently?

. Yes, I did.

. OK, what of the GAA scene? Wall Sam come home to the Dubs? Will Jayo be excommunicated? Will there be any video nasties?

. Dublin hit the ground running in next year's All Ireland with what we sporty folk like to call a gentle little opener against the Meath softies. Their coach, Micky Whelan, borrows from the old hard nosed coaching manual when men were men and sheep were scared and can be expected to prepare his charges with some cold weather training in Greenland the week before the Meath match, while he tests a local sleigh around the pitch. Jayo - his star pupil and favoured son (Not!) - will probably be kept on the subs' bench until 10 minutes from time with the Dubs down 10 points.

Expect a Meath win. Expect another rap on the knuckles from the GAA chiefs for Jayo's covert/creeping professionalism. Expect another blood bath in the final, the Mayo arising from the West (yawn) again and exacting retribution. Expect all suspensions to come into effect on Christmas week. Expect a video compilation of all the good bits.

. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, what of these revolutionary changes in the hurling calendar?

. No hostages to tradition, these League will run concurrently with the All Ireland championship, during the summer (concluding with the final in October) when the grass is greener and the sliothar is cleaner. Furthermore, the losers in the Leinster and Munster finals will remain in the All Ireland, joining the knock lout stages at the quarter finals alongside the Connacht and Ulster winners.

This should help Wexford's chances of retaining their crown but sod's law decrees that we will get an all Munster all Ireland, with the original losers becoming the ultimate champions. Geddit?

. Hmm. Think so. Moving on then, what of rugby's new professional era? Okay, so it's a shame that the ethos of the game has been sacrificed on the altar of money, the game's administrators forfeiting a great heritage etc, etc, but, more importantly, is there many chance that we might win a match?

. Yes, well possibly, against the Italians on Saturday, though it's not, worth a mortgage type wager - more a fiver. But after that we're not so sure. A Five Nations opener against the Irish nemesis, France, at Lansdowne Road on January 18th may temper the normally inflated optimism before the championships. ,But at least the Triple Crown will still be alive come February. Nobody can deny us that.

And maybe beyond February 1st because Ireland will be playing, at the one venue where they do notice "ably well - no, not Lansdowne silly, Cardiff Arms Park. England have deigned to compete in the Five Nations this year and so play here on February 15th, and for that we are all truly grateful. But, because they have more mouths to feed more clubs to cater for, because the have more of everything and well because they're English and we re Irish, it's conceivable that we'll have to make concessions in return for their participation - like our players having their legs tied together and English tries being worth six points.

Regardless of how Ireland do against them or the Scots on March 1st don't expect much Irish representation in the 35 man Lions squad to be selected at the end of March, for a seven week, three test tour to South Africa from the end of May until early July. Showing some a lute advance planning this year the IRFU has organised a tour to New Zealand around about the same time, minus Ireland's Lion's representatives.

Yes, you guessed it, pretty much a full strength squad then.

By the by, expect plenty of once year rugger writers to come up with, hugely original, half baked theories on why the Irish players should return all their participant's fees for not participating. That's a cert.

. What of the Ryder Cup, can well anticipate strong Irish representation Europe's team next year?

. Not unless on of our boys qualifies automatically as one of the top 10 in the European Order of Merit. This looks like a ready up for Seve Ballesteros. He was involved in redesigning some of the Valderamma holes, at which it is being played, and as non playing captain can pick himself as one of the two wild cards even if he finishes 935th in the Order or Merit. Expect a vengeful American win, with Seve, making countless captain's cock ups.

Greg Norman should again be backed strongly in all the majors each way. Watch out though, for strong Dail Eireann representation at the end of year Sun City $1 million challenge, especially if Santa Dunne is chief sponsor.

. Will there be any good news, any Irish successes on the international sporting arena?

. A rejuvenated, reinvigorated, revitalised Sonia O'Sullivan is a good bet to leave all eyes on the soles of her feet at the World Athletics Championships in August. Michelle Smith's prognosis for the European Swimming Championship next August in Seville and the World Championships in Perth 12 months hence is less than clear cut, pending, as it does on her actual participation.

. Anything else to look forward to? Harvey D Rabbit driving for Jordan?

. It could end up that way. Last we heard, Michael Lowry's driver was idly tapping his fingers against the wheel. But my hunch is that the promised career switch for David Ginola, from Newcastle footballer cum male model to racing driver, will facilitate both Eddie Jordan's need for a driver and desire to keep the Peugeot engine. It will also give him a bountiful new supply of excuses, from teething problems with that wizard of a new engine to teething problems with Da-veed's driving. "Couldn't find the clutch", "dived out of the car when being challenged"..."

. Final hunches for the year then?

. A hunch says we beat the English in a November play off, other highlights being Mark Lawrenson coming out of his footballing retirement to shore up Newcastle's defence, Paul McGrath going on for ever and promising to donate his knees to science when he's finished with, them, a thrilling domestic championship followed by revolutionary restructuring of the National League and the FAI's mechanisms along with victories in Europe for Shels, Bohs and Pats. Pass us those tablets.