Demons Never Die

Directed by Arjun Rose. Starring Robert Sheehan, Jennie Jacques, Reggie Yates, Tulisa Contostavlos 18 cert, gen release, 93 min

IN THE unlikely event that you spend Saturday evenings berating Tulisa Contostavlos for the crime of not being Danii Minogue, then you need only endure about five minutes of this atrocious slasher film before seeing her hacked to bloody shreds. Shamelessly in debt to Scream, Demons Never Diecasts the likable N-Dub as its own Drew Barrymore. The nerve of these people.

Any brief perusal of the plot will cause sensitive folk to ponder the limits of good taste in popular cinema. Is it "okay" to hang a youth-related movie around a suicide pact? Though the makers of Demons Never Diepay lip service to current anxieties – there's a bit about bulimia and subplots about bullying – the picture is too appalling to be allowed a free pass in this area, laden down as it is with boringly tricksy webcam sequences and prolonged outbreaks of night-vision footage.

The unintentionally hilarious low point comes when two well-dressed police officers arrive to investigate a particularly bloody murder. Noting that she has been stabbed repeatedly in the abdomen, casting their eyes about the blood plastered over walls and ceiling, the coppers wonder what can have driven her to take her own life.

Pardon? Hand your badges in at the desk, officers.