Keeping abreast of weighty matters at the Mail

The Irish Daily Maildid the unthinkable this week: It gained a few ounces. The newspaper's attempt to boost its readership figures by stuffing Tuesday's copy of the paper with... an extra copy of the very same paper... fittingly confused the self-service tills at Tesco, which contrive to be even more weight-sensitive than a Daily Mailheadline writer.

Inevitably, the “double weight” recorded at the scanner required the intervention of shop staff with their magic “as you were”, till-restoring codes, though, of course, the real quandary was what to do with your “complete copy of the

Mail

” once you had pulled it out.

“Give it to a family, a friend – or even a stranger!” the paper’s blurb implored, bizarrely. Or “just someone you think deserves a FREE copy”, it added.

Giving it to someone with a chest who you want to freak out would also have been an appropriate choice. For among the edition’s selection of body-related headlines – “How Black Swan ruined Mila’s shape”, “The boob job that makes you live longer”, “Secrets of an A-list body”, “Can fasting for two days every week prevent dementia?” – was the news that “Large breasts could shorten life by five years” (says cosmetic surgeon specialising in breast reduction).