AGAINST THE ODDS:AS TV3 broke for the ads ahead of The ApprenticeVinny Fitzpatrick decided it was time to show some liathroidí. Not in a physical sense, God forbid, rather metaphorically, as it was the least Angie deserved.

Monday nights in Mount Prospect Avenue at this time of the year were reserved for the telly with a pot of tea, a packet of choccie biscuits, a chat and the gentle diversion of a programme Vinny and Angie had grown to enjoy.

After the three-day Cheltenham Open meeting, which kept staff at Boru Betting on full alert, Angie was exhausted while Vinny was feeling the effects of his trip to Tallinn, so much so that he’d smuggled 40 winks at Howth Summit between shifts on the 31 bus.

As the clock ticked towards 10 bells, it was time for some “catch-up” as Angie put it. “I’ll just check on the twins, you put the kettle on. See you in two minutes, love,” she said before heading upstairs.

In the kitchen, Vinny arranged the tray, the chocolate Kimberleys, the sugar, milk and mugs. It was time to make a clean, er, breast of his weekend away with Fran and the girls.

“Where do I start?” he thought to himself.

If he told the whole Jackanory he was banjaxed, even if nothing untoward had happened; at least he was fairly sure it hadn’t although chapters of the Estonia experience were still a Baltic blur.

It was perhaps best, he felt, to be economical with the truth, to apply some judicious editing to events and tell Angie no more than she needed to know.

There was no way, for instance, he could wriggle off the hook about the room-sharing arrangement with Petra so it was best to pass on that. But he knew he would have to inform Angie that he and Fran hadn’t travelled to the football alone.

As he filled the kettle, Vinny reflected on three madcap days when his marriage vows of fidelity were stretched further than the haphazard Estonia defence. Against the odds, they had held firm.

It hadn’t been easy as Petra made her designs on Vinny quite clear, from the moment she’d emerged from the shower on that first night only for her towel to get caught on the door handle and drop to the floor, revealing all.

“Is there something you see Vincent that you do not like?” she said suggestively, standing tall, tanned and absolutely starkers in front of Vinny. It had been a Rubicon moment for the portly bus driver who had been rooted to the spot, twiddling his wedding ring as he did so. “Petra, best get dressed, it’s brass monkeys out there,” he said in a voice he hardly knew.

What struck Vinny thereafter had been Petra’s persistent ardor towards him. He felt he had made his position quite clear but she hadn’t relented. If anything, she became even more daring. They had been in The Pub With No Name on Thursday night where she had turned more heads than John Delaney, the FAI chief executive, who was also present.

Delaney had put a whack of cash behind the bar to curry favour with Irish fans.

In Vinny’s eyes, it was the grubby gesture of a small-town politician and one he abhorred although five half-jarred lads at a nearby table ordered five pints each which they gleefully put on Delaney’s tab.

They stopped slurping in their tracks when Petra, all 5ft 11in of her, bounded on to the bar counter, called for silence and began belting out Patricia The Stripper, which she'd learnt off by heart. The bar went berserk as Petra with a swing of her hips undid most, if not all, of her clips.

By the end, there was tremendous applause as Petra, wearing nothing more than suspenders, a bra and an Irish scarf, leapt from the bar and threw herself into the flabby arms of one of the few fans present who was paying for his own drink.

“I’m not a sinner Vincent but I can make fat men thinner, if you let me to,” she whispered into Vinny’s hairy ear as the roof was nearly raised off the pub.

Later, they’d found a quiet local shebeen off the beaten track, complete with sofas and poofs, of the seated kind, where they’d sipped pints of gin and bitter lemon and played chess – Petra hammered Vinny inside 12 moves.

“Why is it Vincent that you only drop your guard when you play chess?” she asked suggestively. On match-day, together with Fran and Darina, the four enjoyed a pre-match meal in the Olde Hansa medieval restaurant in the heart of Tallinn’s Old Town.

There, they munched juniper-flavoured beef with quail eggs, saffron pickles, rye bread with lard, orange tongue jelly and liver pate with onion jam.

It was washed down with jugs of honey beer and lashings of pepper schnapps, which the girls couldn’t get enough of.

“It will keep us warm inside for the match,” they laughed, eyes shining.

As they climbed the steps leading away from the Old Town, leaning on one another for support, they came across a bearded fellow offering tourists the chance to become Robin Hood for €5.

Soon they were strapped in and gloved up, complete with gowns and pointed hats, aiming quivering arrows at a target some 30 feet away. They each had five shots and Vinny, half-cut, sent one of his arrows over the city walls. Only Petra was precise, firing all five darts into the coloured ring, one of which thudded into the central yellow one, for which she won a prize.

“It’s alright,” she laughed. “I have my prize here,” she said, grabbing Vinny around the shoulders and drawing him towards her ample bosom.

At that memory, Vinny felt himself tremble.

By now, the tea was drawn. “Time to be a warrior,” thought Vinny as he stacked up the tray. Bill Cullen didn’t like spoofers, nor did Vinny, who knew it was time to come clean, well mostly clean, about events in Estonia.

“Angie will understand,” he thought to himself. “She knows I wouldn’t do anything untoward.”

Nudging open the door to the front room with the tray, he said softly, “Time for a nice cuppa, love,” only Angie didn’t hear him. She was sound asleep, her head tilted to one side.

As he looked at his wife, Vinny realised how much he loved her; how much she did for him, the kids and the house. “I’m a lucky fellah,” he thought reaching out a fat mitt for a Kimberley, “with or without the liathroidí.”

Bets of the Week

1pt each-way Pádraig Harrington in Johor Open (20/1, Boylesports)

2pts Republic of Ireland to reach semi-finals of European Championship (11/1, Unibet)

Vinny's Bismarck

1pt Lay Kauto Star to win Betfair Chase (8/1, general, liability 8pts)