TV Toons

Bob Wilson: "And now, with just an hour to kick-off, we have an EXCLUSIVE interview with Tony Adams (who kindly squeezed us in between chats with the BBC, Sky News, Channel Five and 12 English radio stations). And what a fascinating interview it is too, with the man who is the English squad's deep thinker, a man who has clearly found himself, after difficult times, with the help of poetry and stuff."

Bob: "So Tony, can we assume that the lads will be out for revenge for that infamous Hand of God goal?"

Tony Adams: "Thou art indeed just, Bob. Why do sinners' ways prosper? And why must disappointment all I endeavour end? If I doth meet Diego in the darkest of alleys I will breaketh his face."

Bob: "So you're up for it Tony?"

Tony: "That's what I said."

Bob: "Right. Perfect conditions for the match Tony, aren't they?"

Tony: "The sun is warm, the sky is clear, the waves are dancing fast and bright, blue isles and snowy mountains wear the purple moon's transparent might."

Bob: "Yes, it is very sunny. Tell us Tony, what difference has David Beckham made to the team?"

Tony: "Well Bob, of Gazza's first disobedience, and the fruit of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste brought end into the world, and all our woe, with loss of Romania, till one greater man restore us, and regain the blissful seat - David Beckham. He's a good lad."

Bob: "And if you beat Argentina Tony, how mightest thou feel then?" Tony: "Over the moon Bob, over the moon."

Bob: "Right. Give us one last pearl of wisdom, oh wordy one, to sum up your feelings about this momentous match."

Tony: "Okay. Emmmm. Oh yeah. The sink is full of fishes, she's got dirty dishes on the brain, and my dog's been itchin', itchin' in the kitchen once again."

Bob: "Amazing. TS Eliot?"

Tony: "Nah, Oasis."

Bob: "Thanks for that Tony, fascinating."