Liverpool's German defender Markus Babbel (below) has been struck down by Guillan-BarrΘ syndrome, the effect of which is numbness in the legs, almost to the point of paralysis. He is currently receiving treatment in a German hospital, where he had a surprise visitor recently. According to Ananova none other than Chris de Burgh walked in to his room, singing "I've never seen you look as lovely as you do tonight, I've never seen you shine so bright". No, we made that bit up. (Incidentally, we checked to see if the date on this story was the first day of the fourth month, but, strangely, it wasn't).

De Burgh, apparently, opened the bag he was carrying and produced a large crystal lamp, informing the bemused player that "this will create a better atmosphere in the room and support your well-being". The popster then closed his eyes and stroked Babbel 's legs but, despite feeling some "warmth", the footballer was not healed. Undeterred, de Burgh explained that Babel needed "a longer, more intense treatment", adding that he "discovered 25 years ago that I have a very high energy potential and sometimes I can heal people with my hands". Those of you who are thinking "it's a talent he never had with his voice" should be ashamed of yourselves.