AGAINST THE ODDS:During the lead up to the Ryder Cup, the biennial meeting between Foley's and the Dollymount Inn at Rush GC was the place to be, writes Roddy L'Estrange

THE MINI-BUS coughed and spluttered before pulling away from Foley's at eight bells last Sunday morning. "We're coughing and spluttering a bit ourselves," quipped Brennie as he downed a bottle of Lucozade.

There were 16 bodies on the bus, not many of them fit, and even fewer of them able for the 36 holes of golf which stretched out in front of them at Rush in faraway Fingal. Vinny Fitzpatrick was one of them.

Since 1987, on the Sunday prior to the Ryder Cup, Foley's and the nearby Dollymount Inn had contested the biennial Bull and Cow Cup. Vinny had been an ever-present and was jokingly referred to by the lads as "Christy" in honour of 10-time Ryder Cup veteran Christy O'Connor, a Clontarf local.

The Bull and Cow consisted of four matches of foursomes, lunch, and four fourballs in the afternoon, before the bus high-tailed it back to the winning pub for mounds of sandwiches and heaps of pints.

As the winner of Golfer of the Year in the Foley's Golf Society for 2007, Vinny was the honorary captain of the Foley's team and, until a few minutes earlier, believed his role was a non-playing one. "I'll be like Seve in Valderrama, exhorting the troops from my buggy," he thought.

But Macker had brought the dispiriting news that Slammin' Sammy, a six-handicapper from Royal Dublin, had cried off, forcing Vinny to play. "And with borrowed clubs too," he moaned.

Just as his tennis had improved since "courting" Angie, so his golf had suffered. He'd only made three of Foley's six outings all year, hadn't broken 25 Stableford points, or won a prize, and was plumb last in the GOY table.

As the bus trundled up the M1, Vinny compared his lot to that of Nick Faldo in Valhalla. "Faldo's only worry is who to leave out; I'm more worried about who to put in," he thought to himself.

Over a double fried egg and rasher bap, oozing with brown sauce, Vinny finalised his pairings. Players had to go out in handicap order for the foursomes, so Vinny and Shanghai Jimmy, both off 24, would be out last. "And we'll be in first," he muttered to himself.

In the afternoon, the format was reversed with the low men, Brennie and Fran, each handy off 12, being the tail-enders.

Rush was a fine setting for the Bull and Cow. A lovely nine-hole links with splendid views of Lambay Island, it was neither overly long, nor hilly, but the greens, always in good nick, were never easy to read.

Brennie and Fran were the lead-off pair for Foley's and Vinny felt they were his bankers. "Don't worry Vinny, this will be a dog licence job," grinned Brennie.

"Dog licence?" said Vinny uncertainly.

"Yeah, you know, they used to cost seven and six in old money," replied Brennie.

Macker and Kojak, who were out second, shuffled around the putting green in stony silence. Out next were Dial-A-Smile, the world's most unpopular barman but a dogged 17-handicapper, who was in harness with Fiery Fred, so called because he had a Vesuvian temper.

That left Vinny with Shanghai Jimmy, the oldest member of the team and, without question, the worst putter. The closer he got to the hole, the twitchier he became.

Four hours later, the overcast skies matched Vinny's overcast mood as he tucked into a toasted sausage sandwich and a pint. Foley's were 3-1 down and humiliation beckoned.

The morning foursomes had, indeed, included a dog licence with Vinny and Shanghai beaten on the 12th green, which happened to be the furthest point from the clubhouse.

The Trappist monks of Macker and Kojak had lost on the 15th, while Dial-A-Smile and Fiery Fred were beaten on the short 17th, where Fred missed a tiddler for a half.

Only Brennie and Fran had performed, reeling off seven pars and seven bogeys to win 5 and 4.

For a while in the fourballs, Vinny and Shanghai Jimmy were inspired. Vinny parred the first; then Shanghai chipped to a foot at the second and almost wet himself when he was conceded the putt.

They were two up at the turn, but by now Vinny was goosed. His carbo-loading breakfast had kicked in and his "Scotch eggs" were feeling heavy. He foozled a couple of drives, then shanked a chip. Shanghai was no better. At the 13th, he had a downhill putt from eight feet to hold on to the lead but charged it past and jigged the one back.

All square with five to play, the end came on the 16th where Vinny drove on to the roof of the clubhouse: "I'm not looking for that," he said to himself and Shanghai took the Kit Carson route to the green where he yipped from two feet to lose the match.

It was now 4-1 to the Dollyer and they only required a half from the remaining three matches to win the Bull and Cow.

Vinny and Shanghai walked glumly back to the short 15th where they sat behind the green and watched events unfold.

First up were the taciturn Macker and Kojak. Astonishingly, the latter nailed his approach to 10 feet and then drained the putt for a two, after which he shook Macker's hand and nodded imperceptibly. "We won 4 and 3," said deadpan Macker.

The next match also finished on the 15th, where Fiery Fred, after unleashing a torrent of abuse upon leaving his second shot in the bunker, holed out with his third for a winning par and a rather sheepish smile.

It all now hinged on Brennie and Fran. They went through the 15th all square, the long 16th was halved in four, the short 17th in three. On the 18th, a driveable par four, Brennie turned to Fran. "I'll put mine in play; then you can go for the green." Brennie did his bit and Fran, a beefy sort, waggled his Big Bertha before unleashing a glorious, sailing, soaring drive which skipped between the protecting bunkers before coming to rest five paces from the pin.

The Dollyer duo needed a three, at best, to secure a half but it was beyond them and when Fran was conceded his eagle putt, Macker, of all people, ran on to the green and wrapped his spindly arms around his burly friend.

A thrilling day's play ended 4-4 and Foley's, as holders, got to keep the Bull and Cow trophy for another two years. "You know Vinny, if Valhalla's is half as much crack as this, we're in for some weekend," chirped the irrepressible Brennie.

Legs aching, back creaking, golf game gone to pot, Vinny couldn't have agreed more.

Bets of the week

3pts Kerry (-3 points) to beat Tyrone in All-Ireland SFC (6/4, Paddy Power)

2pts Real Madrid to win Champions League (10/1, Betfair)

Vinny's Bismarck

3pt Lay US to beat Europe in Ryder Cup (evens, general liability 3pts)