January

"It feels absolutely marvellous. I am a patriot Lancastrian who lives in England, but for the next six weeks my blood will be as green as that of any Irishman. It would be nice to think that I could get the same success as Jack Charlton did. It is my intention to talk to him if I can, but I think he might be gone fishing at the moment."

- Brian Ashton, on his appointment as Irish rugby coaching adviser.

"It's a devastating blow. People here are saying it's like the Queen dying, but I think it's worse."

- Newcastle United supporter John Regan on the news that Kevin Keegan had resigned as manager.

"The Cup is the icing on the cake, but at the moment we haven't got any cake."

- Grimsby's caretaker-manager, Kevin Swain, after his side was thrashed 7-1 by Sheffield Wednesday in the FA Cup.

"In the opening pose I am facing away from him. I am thinking I want him but he does not know. I lift my dress slowly. I turn slowly. Our eyes meet. He is mine. And, of course, we do a lot of technical steps."

- Russian ice skater Oksana Grishuk on her routine with partner Evgeny Platov, which earned six `perfect' sixes at the European Championships in Paris.

February

"I can't think of many songs that are suitable the way England are playing at the moment but Send In The Clowns might be appropriate for David Lloyd."

- Former Test cricket star Trevor Bailey on the news that England players would be walking to the wicket in the one-day series in New Zealand accompanied by the sound of their chosen song.

"That's good enough for the homeless but not an international striker."

- Pierre van Hooijdonk tells a newspaper what he thought of a Celtic pay offer, an increase of £7,000 per week.

"The newspaper stitched me up - I was talking about ordinary people, not homeless people."

- Van Hooijdonk tries to dig himself out of a very large hole. And fails.

"I'm delighted they don't start as they finish."

- Irish coach Brian Ashton after England scored four tries in the last nine minutes during the record 41-6 victory at Lansdowne Road.

March

"When I came here, Suttonians were essentially a drinking club with a rugby problem. Now they're a rugby club with a drinking problem. At least that's the way things will be when we set about celebrating tonight."

- Suttonians coach Stephen Dods after the team's victory over Sligo secured them the AIL Division Four title.

"The use of drugs is widespread now, it's disgusting - we're being cheated out of the rewards. The only solution is to have random testing and three-year bans for anyone caught using them."

- Pigeon fancier Bill Hay on the disturbing `growth' of muscle-bound super pigeons, whose breeders mix steroids in their water and administer anabolic eye drops to help their wings flutter that little bit faster. In response the pigeon racing authorities have introduced dope testing on the droppings of any bird resembling Arnold Schwarznegger.

"Damon (Hill) lives half a mile up the road from me, but I wouldn't go down and see what he's doing and vice versa - if you need a racing driver as a mate you're a sad bastard."

- Formula One driver and Killiney resident Eddie Irvine.

"I'm a nightmare, aren't I?"

- Sunderland manager Peter Reid after his decision to change tactics in the home match against Spurs resulted in a 4-0 defeat.

"It was Eddie, again."

- Johnny Herbert blames Eddie Irvine for his first-bend exit from the Australian Grand Prix.

"Imagine a world without football?"

- Headline in a Spanish newspaper after Barcelona beat Atletico Madrid 5-4 to win through to the Spanish Cup quarter-finals.

April

"I thought before the game that it would be won by the team that wanted it most, but we just gave it to them. We were bloody awful."

- Coach Mike Hendrick gives an honest assessment of the Irish cricket team's defeat by Scotland in the third place play-off of the ICC Trophy in Kuala Lumpur.

"David James, Superstar, drops more balls than Grobbelaar."

- Manchester United fans pay tribute to the Liverpool goalkeeper after his less-than-steady display helped United to a 3-1 victory at Anfield.

"He's a boy amongst men and he's showing the men how to play. He may be the type of player who only comes around once in a millennium."

- Tom Watson verdict on US Masters winner Tiger Woods.

"The little boy is driving well. He's putting well. He's doing everything it takes to win. So you know what you guys do when he gets in here? Pat him on the back. Say congratulations. Enjoy it. And tell him not to serve fried chicken (at the Masters champions' dinner) next year. Got it? Or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve."

- Fuzzy Zoeller's comments on Woods to a television reporter on the final day at Augusta - they cost him a million-dollar-a-year contract with Kmart and a whole lot of grief.

"You must understand that time is just a linear measurement of successive increments of now."

- Earl Woods gives some fatherly advice to his son, Tiger. What it meant, nobody knows.

"All I had on over my gear was an overcoat. When I got back to town I had to go into a shop and buy a pair of shoes. I can tell you I got some queer looks."

- Jockey Conor O'Dwyer on the chaotic events in Liverpool after a bomb warning caused the Grand National to be called off.

"Amble Speedy pricks his auld ears going to the line and wins well at the death. Great race for Franny, he's won three Irish Grand Nationals now. Marvellous performance."

- RTE's Ted Walsh, and everyone else watching, gets the result of the Irish Grand National all wrong - Mudahim is declared the winner after a photo finish.

"All derbies are the same and this will be no exception."

- Liverpool manager Roy Evans before his side's 1-1 draw against Everton.

May

"We've been trying to mimic the conditions we're going to face when we get there . . . if it's possible to do that in Limerick and pretend you're in deepest Malaysia."

- Brian Kerr, manager of the Irish Under- 20 football team, on their preparations for the World Cup at the University of Limerick.

"I think she set about five or six churches back home ablaze, she was lighting so many candles."

- World snooker champion Ken Doherty on his mother's support during the final against Stephen Hendry.

"Hopefully it will shut her up and stop her from telling me to get a proper job."

- Ken Doherty reckons he's convinced his mother that it wasn't such a misspent youth after all.

"I would love to take him as my prisoner, strip him of all his clothes, rub lipstick and make-up all over him and sing to him. It would probably be my last act as a player but it would be worth it."

- Chicago Bulls basketball player Dennis Rodman on the NBA commissioner, David Stern. You'd never get Jamesie O'Connor saying that class of a thing about GAA president Joe McDonagh.

"I have played professional football for 13 years, which is a long time. I now wish to do other things. I have always planned to retire when I was at the top and at Manchester United I have reached the pinnacle of my career."

- Eric Cantona says adieu to the world of soccer.

June

"On the way out of Croke Park my five-year-old son, Jonathan was crying so I asked him why and he said `Ah Dad, I wish you could play for Meath' . . . so I started crying then."

- Dublin's Paul Bealin, who missed a last minute penalty against Meath in the Leinster championship.

"You don't think a crash like that dents your confidence, but it does."

- Philip McCallen after coming off his motorbike at 140mph during the Isle of Man TT races. He was back racing two days later.

"In Argentina Jack Rowell informed me that I was required by the Lions. I said to him, `I can't believe it', and Jack said: `Neither can I."'

- Nigel Redman, who was on tour with England's rugby union team in Argentina when he was asked to join the Lions in South Africa.

"Come on, Mrs Doubtfire."

- Spectator at the US Open after golfer Colin Montgomerie refused to sign autographs.

"Fit only for cows and playing soccer."

- Chilean tennis player Marcelo Rios, the number nine seed at Wimbledon this year, offers his opinion of grass.

"You couldn't afford me boys."

- Sixteen-year-old Anna Kournikova's response to the wolf whistles that greeted her while walking in the grounds at Wimbledon.

"Listen, Holyfield's not the tough Warrior everyone says he is - he's got little nicks in his ears and he quit. I got one eye, he's not impaired, he got ears, I got one eye. I can't continue getting butted, I've got children to raise and they'll be scared of me. He cut me and I've got to retaliate."

- Mike Tyson explains why he bit off part of Evander Holyfield's ear in the WBA Heavyweight title fight in Las Vegas.

"The fight was just beginning, I don't know why it was stopped."

- Promoter Don King expresses his disgust at referee Mills Lane's decision to disqualify Tyson - just when the fight was getting interesting.

July

"What we've lost in experience we've gained in commitment and the camaraderie which has set us apart from every other country. It is hard to quantify things like that but in a very real way, the players have put Ireland on the map here."

- Brian Kerr on the achievements of the Irish under-20 football team, which finished third in the World Cup despite the absence of several key players.

"Mark that down as a bit of history - the day Ireland out-stayed Brazil at a major tournament."

- Dr Conal Hooper, the Irish medical officer for the Irish under-20 team.

"I think the first priority when you're playing a big hurling match is that it should be played in a hurling location - I mean in Clones, with all due respect to them, they wouldn't know a hurley if it hit them in the face."

- Eugene Magee on the decision to stage the All-Ireland hurling quarter-final between Tipperary and Down in Clones, while Croke Park was being used for an American Football match.

"After a victory like that, you want to be absolutely ecstatic. But I was shattered. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, be sick or fall over."

- Lions hooker Keith Wood after the victory over South Africa in Durban clinched the series.

"One day . . . when I'm done playing.

- Pete Sampras, when asked whether he thought Tim Henman could win Wimbledon.

"Berlin has everything. It is a cosmopolitan city with theatres and the people are open minded. They are not as narrow minded as the people in Nottingham. There are no theatres, no cinemas, hardly anything at all. All Nottingham has is Robin Hood . . . and he's dead."

- Bryan Roy explains why he left Nottingham Forest for Hertha Berlin.

"Perhaps he thinks he can win while everyone is over here."

- Australian golfer Steve Elkington guessing why Scott Hoch pulled out of the British Open to play in a tournament in America. Ouch.

August

"Some people advised me against coming here, others took a different view, but ultimately I had to be guided by my own feelings. I had a lot of hope and a lot of hard work in the bank, but it still fell apart for me. I did it because I love the sport, but it didn't work. I accept now that there is something wrong but I don't know what it is."

- Sonia O'Sullivan after it all went wrong at the World Championships in Athens.

"You can't put a fat whore like this on a statue."

- Offaly trainer Tommy Lyons on being asked, after the Leinster football final win over Meath, if they'd erect a statue to him in Offaly.

"I have found a formula that is successful for me, and I don't think it is unreasonable to keep that to myself. Everybody wants to know how to make Coke. Have you ever asked them how they make it? Do you think Guinness are going to tell their competitors how they make it? Wanting me to talk about it is like asking the master brewer at Guinness to reveal his secrets."

- Michelle de Bruin, after winning two gold and two silver medals at the European Championships in Seville.