IT WAS a tough old week for two of English sport's Mr Nice Guys, Damon Hill and Gary Lineker, both of whom were subjected to character assassinations by former and current rivals. Poor old Damon was still coming to terms with the news that he was being dropped by the Williams Formula One team at the end of the season, despite being on the verge of winning the drivers' championship, when everyone started picking on him.
Now Hill might have expected some moral support from his fellow drivers, particularly from British compatriot and former team-mate David Coulthard, but it wasn't forthcoming. "People always pick up the point that Damon is a crap racing driver . . . and he is," said Coulthard who at least had the grace to add that Hill still deserved to win the world title, "crap" driver or not.
Hill's current dilemma was examined in detail by Eurosport during the week. "Comprehensive" is hardly an adequate word to describe the channel's coverage of the Formula One season - just about every minute of practice, qualifying and the warm-up sessions is covered live and seven hours of yesterday's schedule were given over to the Portuguese Grand Prix.
With that many hours on their hands there's plenty of time for talking and the Eurosport team clearly know what it's talking about when it comes to the world of Formula One. Commentators Ben Edwards and John Watson were joined on Saturday by a number of journalists to discuss "the Damon issue".
One laid into the BBC for its "hysterical reaction" to Williams's decision to dump Hill and went so far as to say that Murray Walker and his team "had become apologists for Damon and were acting like a kind of primitive thought police for him". Blimey.
Also under attack was the British tabloid press for its jingoistic response to Frank Williams's conclusion that Damon wasn't the driver for him - which they seemed to feel was on a par with the Queen Mother being chucked out of Harrods for being too slow at the check-out. However, the point at which Damon might have yelled "enough" was when it was claimed that part of his problem was that Nigel Man sell was a "greater showman". Pardon? Nigel Mansell a showman?
Describing Mansell thus is akin to labelling Vinnie Jones a flair player, and it was our old friend Vinnie who handed out a verbal lashing to another English sporting hero, Gary Lineker, last week.
The two men's relationship has never been the same since Gary said that the best place to watch Wimbledon in action was on teletext, but when he described Vinnie as a talentless self-publicist last week Mr "if you can't get the man the ball will do" had had enough.
"He's a jellyfish, a wimp, a prat, a loser and a coward," said Vinnie, who also described Gary's comments as unbecoming. On Sky Sports' Hold the Back Page Patrick Collins, the Mail on Sunday soccer writer, had no doubts whose side he was on in this unseemly war of words. "It's as ugly as just about everything in Vinnie Jones' career, it's totally pathetic," he said, while adding that he doubted if Vinnie had thought of the word "unbecoming" himself because it had more than one syllable. Oooooh.
Gary coped with all the controversy in his usual chirpy style and could even bring himself to chuckle about it on Saturday's Football Focus on BBC1. The technical team on the programme had great fun projecting an image of a floating jellyfish across the screen while Gary talked footie with Spurs' Teddy Sheringham. Gary spotted the jellyfish and had a giggle, but if Teddy noticed it he didn't bat an eyelid, perhaps thinking that it was just part of the new-look Football Focus set.
When his job was done, Gary handed back to Grandstand presenter Ray Stubbs, who left the viewers truly baffled with his link to the One O'Clock news. "I was just thinking that was `Ready, Teddy, Jelly, Steady to go, off we go time for the news'," said Ray, who must surely have failed an hallucinogenic drugs test after the show.
Another sportsman to have a rough week was Coleraine footballer Greg O'Dowd who had his nose broken in an elbowing incident in the Ulster Cup Final. O'Dowd, from Dublin, is now considering legal action against the player responsible for his injuries, a decision which left the BBC Northern Ireland reporter, who interviewed him on Saturday, unimpressed.
"Is this not all part and parcel of the game," asked the reporter. "I don't think it is at all," replied O'Dowd, who was barely visible behind the layers of plaster keeping his nose attached to his face.
Following on from O'Dowd's mishap and Willie Carson's accident at Newbury there were concerns for the welfare of another sportsman, tractor puller Dirk van Dassala, last week. Dirk was driving his tractor, Bandit, in the 3.4-tonne modified class in the final round of the European Cup in Meerkerk, Holland, when something went horribly wrong.
"Not a bad attempt from the farmer from Putten... BUT WAIT, I think I saw something fall off," howled commentator Roger England. Nervous viewers strained to see what part of Dirk had landed on the mucky track, but the relief was palpable when everyone realised it was only a bit of Bandit.
The real star of the climax of the tractor pulling season was the British machine Desperate Dan (complete with Rolls Royce engines) which could probably plough most of Munster in half an hour. With Brian Armastid on board, Desperate Dan won the final round of the 4.4-tonne modified class, beating Dutch tractor Dirty Herrie (Make my Day) in a thrilling battle.
The defeat was a blow for the Dutch, who have always dominated the sport with their Total Tracot Pulling style, but they will hope for revenge in September's European Championships in Finland, exclusively live on Eurosort.
