FA Cup final: Surely the English Football Association knew it was wasting the price of two postage stamps when it wrote to Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger asking them to stop the sniping. "I'm not getting involved in anything controversial because the FA are just so sensitive these days," Ferguson, with heavy sarcasm, said yesterday. "I wouldn't want to upset them."
But in the end he could not help himself. His aversion to Wenger is too extreme, too deep-rooted and, if he is honest, too much fun for the FA seriously to believe he could maintain the policy of omerta in FA Cup final week.
This is a man who takes wicked pleasure from the thought of Wenger spraying a mouthful of tea over his desk when he picks up his morning newspaper. And on this occasion Ferguson, that notorious mischief-maker, believes Manchester United have a genuine grievance.
"Arsenal do not know how to lose" is one of his favourite sayings, and he launched into his pre-Cardiff press briefing by going into the details of how he had examined a video of their 2-0 defeat at Old Trafford in October.
Wenger had goaded him by claiming United "kicked my players off the park" and that Jose Antonio Reyes had been a particular target, so Ferguson switched off his mobile, drew the curtains and began taking notes.
No clatter of limbs was deemed too trivial. Every scratch, shove, knee, elbow, jab, stamp and pull went into his pad, beginning with Ashley Cole hacking down Cristiano Ronaldo after 28 seconds and concluding, judging by his subsequent complaints to FA officials, with the names of Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira underlined in red.
"Look at the video for yourself," he said. "I'm amazed that nobody has actually analysed it properly, and particularly the number of fouls they gave away. There was a bit of propaganda about why had they lost after 49 matches unbeaten and it was convenient for them to say they were kicked off the park.
"Unfortunately for them the statistics and facts do not bear it out one bit. For starters, there were three fouls on Reyes in the whole game. Only three fouls! Hardly constitutes the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, does it?
"There were six on Ronaldo. So Arsenal have to put up their hands and admit they're a competitive team, just like us. But if you look at the record of Manchester United it doesn't bear up with a team that is overly aggressive at all.
"We do well in the Fair Play League every year. And who's the most fouled player in the Premiership? Ronaldo. Not Reyes."
There is an argument about how many of the 101 free-kicks awarded to Ronaldo were genuine infringements, but Vieira, to Ferguson's delight, is officially the Premiership's dirtiest player, with nine yellow cards and 94 fouls. However, the FA had specifically asked both managers to refrain from this type of mudslinging and, on the morning of their showpiece event, the men in power at Soho Square will not appreciate Ferguson's timing.
In Wenger's favour he has neatly sidestepped any provocative questioning about his relationship with Ferguson, yet already this week Vieira has taken a few shots at Roy Keane. Then there were Ferguson's allegations Wenger might be lying about the state of Henry's fitness.
This is before we even get into today's other hostilities: Ronaldo against Cole, Gary Neville (if fit) against Reyes and, as it sometimes seems, Ruud van Nistelrooy against the entire Arsenal XI.
