TIME THEN for the main course after Tuesday's Champions League nibbles. "The semi-final that the whole of Europe has been waiting for," as Sky Sports' Richard Keys described the meeting of Barcelona and Manchester United, although if memory serves us right - and it mightn't - he said the same of the Johnstone Paint Trophy final clash between MK Dons and Grimsby Town a few weeks back.

"It is the one Europe has been waiting for, isn't it," he asked himself out loud a bit later, like he needed reassurance that ITV hadn't actually landed The Big One the night before.

Speaking of which. Did anyone not get this text yesterday: "John Arne Riise was arrested last night on the M62 - he was heading in the wrong direction"?

Research showed that 94.27 per cent of the people who sent the text were United fans, 99 per cent of the recipients were of the Liverpool persuasion.

This, of course, only heightened the bad feeling between the two camps, prompting nasty replies such as: "I hope Ronaldo skies a penalty over the bar after two minutes." God, we laughed at that one.

Anyway, the RTÉ studio seemed strangely bare to us last night but we couldn't quite figure out why until we switched over to see how Richard was bearing up on Sky.

And there he was, Graeme Souness, cosying up to Richard like Bill O'Herlihy had just been a one-night stand and Richard was his one true love. The sense of betrayal was immense.

"You'd see better in the Phoenix Park on a Sunday morning, Richard," we wanted him to say, just to prove he hadn't learnt nothing in Montrose, but he didn't. Which is just as well, Ray Wilkins, beside him, looks confused at the best of times.

What RTÉ can offer Graeme that Sky couldn't last night is a chair. Himself, Richard and Ray had to stand in their mini Nou Camp studio from 7pm until 10.15pm.

Things were much more cosy back on RTÉ, although they shared a certain sense of foreboding with their Sky colleagues when they saw the United team-sheet: Nemanja Vidic (dodgy tummy) out, Wes Brown (dodgy defender) partnering Rio Ferdinand at the back.

The consensus was it could be a Messi night for United's rearguard, especially if Brown had one of those games where he'd make John Arne look decisive.

Mind you, all concerned had even more concerns about Barcelona's defence.

"But they've conceded very few goals in the Champions League this season," Bill protested.

"Look who they've played, Bill," said Eamon Dunphy, "they played Rangers, they played Celtic . . . they played a lot of rubbish to be honest."

Undeterred, Bill threw a hand grenade in the direction of the panel when he asked "will this be a match that will define the greatest player in the world - Ronaldo v Messi?".

"Are you havin' a laugh, Bill," was the gist of the reply, but they were more wordy on the issue come full-time.

"This could be an absolute classic of a match . . . it won't be 0-0 tonight, Bill," promised Dunphy, so off we went.

Ronaldo skied a penalty over the bar after two minutes. Did you ever see steam rising from a mobile phone when it receives 14,726 text messages all at the one time? An extraordinary sight.

"He displayed the nerves of a bomb disposal expert taking a penalty against Arsenal, not this time," said George Hamilton.

"I said he would bottle it in the studio, I think his nerve went," said Dunphy at half-time, but John Giles probably didn't see the penalty, too busy was he trying to figure how why Ji-Sung Park had started the game.

Match report: Barcelona owned the ball.

That was about it really.

Giles could hardly speak, still struggling to find the words to describe how he felt about Ji-Sung Park finishing the game, when right-back Wayne Rooney had been taken off. "I mean . . . ," he said, but he couldn't finish the sentence.

Dunphy filled the gap by implying that he remains to be convinced that Ronaldo is the greatest player in the world.

"His performance tonight was a disgrace to football," he said. "this fella Ronaldo is a cod!"

Giles couldn't disagree, although his face was still saying "Ji-Sung Park?!"

Back on Sky there was Alex Ferguson, forgiving Ronaldo for his penalty miss. "He was absolooly fantastic tonight," he said.

Funny old game, eh?