Sideline Cut/Keith Duggan:  'I always look at January as the beginning of something." - Kevin Keegan.

"At the end of the day, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Jane Fonda was the inspiration for this. And Kevin Keegan. The gaffer's been great. He gave me the Leo Sayer music."

- Richard Dunne at the launch of his fitness workout video, You Ain't Dunne Yet.

"I'll fill it for them seven days a week. Put me is charge of a seven-a-side arseboxing tournament and I'll fill it for them. We need a bigger stadium."

- Tom Lyons after half-a-million Dubs show up at Croke Park for a league game.

"Arseboxing is the way forward for Abbotstown."

- An Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern, in the Dáil the next afternoon.

"Yeah, really sleek, beautiful colour, nice tone and great to handle. But hey, enough about last night. Let's talk about the car."

- Eddie Irvine lays down a marker at the Jordan F1 launch.

"Yeah, coming out of the first chicane, I was lookin' good and then one of the guys shouts 'It's Kylie, it's Kylie' on the headpiece. So I'm like, pretty girl, check it out, scope the scene, wipe the mirrors. Next thing I know I'm spinnin' around, I'm out of control. Turns out he was sayin', 'It's oily, it's oily.' Bummer."

- Eddie Irvine explains the start of his F1 season with Jordan.

We Don't Get Out Of Bed For Less Than Ten Grand A Day, Boy

- Anonymous note, cut from headlines from the Examiner, sent to Frank Murphy.

"Yeah, pretty happy. Not wild about this jacket though. Green is not my best colour. Could I just say hello to everyone in Dublin?"

- Paul McGinley reacts to winning the Masters at Augusta.

"I've sat down and I'm thinking, are you sure you are doing the right thing here Roy? You know, you make certain decisions in life and you wonder. If I thought for one second I was even a tiny bit out of order, I'd apologise. But I'm right. I know I am."

- Roy Keane defends his right to wear a mullet haircut.

"But what about the poor children of Ireland who love you, who want to be like you . . . what do we say to them?"

- Tommy Gorman live on Six One.

"You're probably right. I'm agreeing with a lot of your points."

- Roy Keane (embarrassed).

"I cannae undastand it. They wanted tae ken my favourite band. I says Genesis. Next thing I was out da doa."

- Kenny Dalglish is dismayed after his interview with the FAI.

"I put myself into a corner and there was only one way I was going to come. And that's out fighting. I had words, yeah. I said to myself, that's it, I'm off. I shouldn't have called that meeting."

- Roy Keane, Ireland's new player/manager, explains his decision to send himself home on the eve of his first game in charge.

"He was a crap player and a crap manager. But, eh, he had a decent first touch."

- Mick McCarthy on Football Focus.

"Is it good? You tell me. I'm lookin' forward to it. I tell ya what, it's a bloody challenge and a bloody honour. I've looked at the offer and I've said to Taffy, let's have positivity. Let's prove them wrong."

- Mick McCarthy after accepting the offer to be manager for the new Football Association of Saipan.

"We are most delighted and surprised. We did not expect this kind bounty from the Irish."

- Chairman of the Football Association of Saipan reacts to the sudden arrival on the island of skips containing footballs, training gear and special drinks all stamped with shamrocks.

"Jaysus, lads, we sent them Swiftpost."

- Milo Corcoran defends the late arrival of Ireland's World Cup gear.

'I was shocked. I never heard language like that in all me life."

- Steve Staunton reacts in outrage after attending the premier of Waiting for Godot at the Gate.

"You take the great Irish men, men like Beckett and Joyce and Keane. Men like myself. They know language. They know what it takes to write a bestseller, baby."

- Eamon Dunphy rejects Stan's critique of the play.

"Good evening and welcome to The Premiership."

- Enda Kenny.

"I'm lying there looking at the ceiling and I'm thinking 'is there nothing I can do?' I'm thinking, 'this is all my fault.' One of the young lads have come into my room and asked, 'is this what the world is all about?' "

- Niall Quinn explains his decision to try to solve the Northern Ireland problem.

"We already have the facilities. I have a decent pitch folded up in me attic."

- Milo Corcoran outlines the FAI plans to host the European Subutteo championships.

"I thought they were showing me around the ancient ruins. Turns out it was the new aqua centre."

- Pat Hickey throws cold water after his visit to the Athens Olympic site.

"Sometimes I despair of humanity. I lie awake at night and wonder why we all can't just love one another. Is it all about money and fast cars?"

- Lee Bowyer of Leeds.

GAA Congress Votes Yes To Dwarf Throwing And Mud Wrestling At Croker But No To Soccer

- Headline

"Dwarf throwing is a popular pastime and I can confirm that Frank Murphy has entered several of the Cork lads in the inaugural contest. And there is feck all difference between mud wrestling and the club finals."

- GAA spokesman defends Congress.

"I'll be happy just to cheer the lads on from the stands this summer."

- DJ Carey rules himself out of the championship.

Tenth All-Star Beckons For DJ

- Headline.

"The Kerry County Board would like to invite all members of the media to their press camp prior to the All-Ireland football final. All our players will be available for interview - except for those who have otherwise been detained. The camp will take place on the top of Carrauntuohill at midnight on Saturday, September 2nd."

- Press Release.

Little To No Mourning As GAA Press Corps Perish On Mountainside.

- Headline

"Training was great crack this year. Generally we met up twice a month for an oul kick around. Most of the time we just had a few beers and watched videos. And it was nice to win the All-Ireland, but ah, taking part is what matters. Sure the oul championship is only a bit of a gas."

- GAA player after the All-Ireland.

Ireland In Bid For 2012 Olympics

- Headline