"You see these lads with Chinese letters tattooed on their arm and you ask them what it means. They say it reads "Live Forever". It could say chow mein and fried rice for all they know."

- Mick McCarthy in Turkey last week - it would take at least a page to explain what he was on about so we won't even start.

"If someone talks about my private life I'll give them a good punching. I'm not interested in suing. I like to sort things out my way."

- Palmeiras coach Luis Felipe Scolari persuades the Brazilian press not to disturb the skeletons in his closet.

"Even Ronaldo wouldn't have scored against Scotland."

- Newcastle United manager Bobby Robson defending Alan Shearer after his less-then-fiery display for England last Wednesday.

"Mr Blobby will join Manchester United footballer David May to switch on Rochdale's Christmas lights at The Butts at 4.0 on Sunday. The fun starts at noon."

- Notice in the Manchester Evening News. The glamour of a professional footballer's life, eh?