"My advice to Roy Keane is to ignore the thought that the grass is greener elsewhere because he might find the cows have crapped on it."

- Brian Clough (who else?) advises Keane to stay put at Manchester United, in his own unique way.

"All they want is to hear the old stories about the old days. They see me as an old granddad reading them stories."

- Tony Cascarino (right) on life in the Irish squad with youngsters Robbie Keane, Damien Duff and Kevin Kilbane.

"It will be like being put in a leper colony. I'm going to complain. It is suppression. We will make this a diplomatic incident."

- A Scottish bagpipes-player on plans to seat him and his fellow 39 "musicians" together at Wembley for the second leg of the Euro 2000 playoff.

"We won largely because they were useless."

- Lyon coach Bernard Lacombe pays tribute to Celtic after Thursday's UEFA Cup match at Parkhead.