Today's quotes from football
2007 - Part 1: The players, the pundits, the pearls
The pundits
"Any team can beat any other in this league - and just to prove it there were seven draws yesterday."
- Sky Sports' Don Goodman setting the punditry bar soaringly high for the rest of 2007.
" Man United's defensive record is second to none. Apart from Liverpool's, that is."
- Warren Barton, second to none. Apart from Don Goodman, that is.
"Unfortunately nothing surprises me in football any more. To say I'm astounded is an understatement."
- Ray Wilkins unsurprised by Jose's surprising departure from Chelsea.
"I'm not saying we shouldn't have a foreign manager, but I think he should definitely be English."
- Paul Merson. We're not sure, but we think he was calling for Fabio Redknapp to get the England job. With Harry Capello as his assistant.
" Scotland were like a dog with a bone and when they got the bone they made it count."
- Charlie Nicholas going barking mad after Scotland beat Ukraine.
Well, obviously, Brian
"I think Peter Schmeichel will be a father figure for Kasper."
- Jamie Redknapp. Talking about Kasper Schmeichel. Whose father is Peter.
"With players like that, their feet never leave them."
- Scott Hiley, unsurprised Matt Le Tissier was still intact when he played in his testimonial.
"This performance today shows that other teams are going to have to score more goals than us if they want to beat us."
- Spurs' Darren Bent giving future opponents a little tip.
"Avram Grant is literally in a no-win situation. Unless he wins."
- Graham Taylor on the impossibly possible situation Grant found himself in after succeeding Jose.
" We knew at half-time we were only halfway there."
- Simon Davies on Wales's 0-0 draw with Germany after 45 and 90 minutes.
With the greatest of respect
"Reports that I'd move to Tottenham are wide of the mark. If I had to leave Real I'd choose to join another big club."
- Real Madrid's Robinho ruling out a transfer to the north London minnows.
"Now that Nos has switched to centre back he's got much less time on the ball, which is best for all concerned."
- Roy Keane on Nyron Nosworthy, who's more comfortable with the ball in row Z than at his feet.
"He can get young players who are upstarts, boisterous boys, and bring them under his wing and make good players out of them. Look at Wayne Rooney. If he had stayed in Liverpool he might be in jail by now."
- Bruce Grobbelaar paying tribute to Alex Ferguson, while losing every friend he ever made on Merseyside.
" If there was no good football or no bad football you'd have a Douglas and a Carsley in every team in the world."
- Johnny Giles gushes about Ireland's engine room for the game against Wales at Croke Park.
" We've a lot of injuries . . . it shows how short we are that I've included Ryan Taylor in the squad. I'm not being disrespectful, but .. . "
- Then Wigan manager Paul Jewell putting a spring in the step of young Ryan.
In the commentary box
" And here is Boupa Diop. His wife had a baby yesterday and he's given it away. The ball, that is."
- A sadly unidentified Setanta commentator very nearly accusing the Fulham man of abandoning his child.
" Arsenal's first touch and movement is amazing. I hope the people listening are watching this."
- Chris Waddle, on BBC 5 Live, still grappling with the distinction between radio and television.
Waddle: "I would like to see Bentley brought on for the last 20 minutes."
Mike Ingham: " Twelve minutes left here at Wembley."
- Waddle again, this time in need of a new battery for his watch.
"I can't count the number of times I've seen him being literally invisible tonight."
- The legend that is Archie Macpherson on Celtic's Shunsuke Nakamura invisibly visible display against AC Milan.
"It's not easy on the eye but it's super to watch!"
- Steve Claridge during the beautifully ugly clash of Southampton and Cardiff.
Come again?
"He's taking over at the worst time because Scotland are sitting so proudly at the top of their group. There's only one way they can go - they can either stay there or go the other way."
- Former Scotland manager Craig Brown on the thankless task facing Alex McLeish, Walter Smith's successor.
"I am not sure exactly why the winter break started, but I'm sure it has something to do with the weather."
- Owen Hargreaves, wearing a woolly hat, thermals and ice skates, wondering why the Bundesliga shut down for 40 days.
"Players like Theo Walcott and Gareth Bale don't come along every year, they are both one-offs."
- Former Southampton manager Dave Merrington on the club's success in producing two one-offs.
"There was always a possibility, but it was never going to happen."
- Sam Allardyce on his unachievably achievable attempts to sign Nigel Reo-Coker.
"I don't want to be playing in the under-21s forever."
- Blackburn's David Bentley, the Peter Pan of football.
The fate tempters
"We have looked at his goals. They often come randomly. He has scored from some mistakes. He runs around a lot to try and get the ball but he would probably not be in the Swedish squad."
- Swedish goalkeeper Andreas Isaksson on Northern Ireland's David Healy, three days before he plucked two Healy efforts out from the back of his Windsor Park net.
" Man Utd are completely outclassing Portsmouth, I don't see them having any problem winning this one . . . one-all!"
- Paul Merson strikes again.
" I was disappointed with Russia at Wembley and I'm disappointed with them here tonight, they've hardly caused any problems for England."
- BBC Radio's Chris Waddle . . . six minutes before Russia equalised in Moscow . . . and nine minutes before they got the winner.
"If Rosenborg get a point I will crawl on my knees 120 kilometres."
- Former Liverpool defender Glen Hysen, now a pundit on Swedish television, ahead of Rosenborg's Champions League game with Chelsea. Which they drew 1-1. Three months later Glen has just 119 kilometres to go.
" If we get a few results and he sees through Christmas, and then to the end of the season, I think he'll be here a long time."
- Spurs goalkeeper Paul Robinson . . . 24 hours before Martin Jol was sacked.
