Planet Football

Today's other stories in brief

Pretty Peter

Judging by the photos doing the rounds last week, Chelsea's players made quite an effort for their fancy dress Christmas party, with Claudio Pizarro looking particularly dashing when he turned up as Emperor Augustus Caesar. Andriy Shevchenko's decision to come as himself (light blue jumper and jeans), however, suggested "fancy dress" got lost in translation.

Still, none of the Chelsea efforts came even close to Peter Crouch's dazzling appearance at Liverpool's party last year (see photo). We suspect any inebriated party-goers who spotted the six foot seven parrot that night haven't had a drink since.

Quotes of the week

"I am going to see him now - and I will be rather petrified going in."

- Martin O'Neill ahead of his post-match visit to Roy Keane's office on Saturday, not long after Sunderland had that last-minute "winner" disallowed.

"Tuncay has run right across the pitch to give Gareth Southgate a hug in the technical area."

- Setanta's commentator during Middlesborough's game against Arsenal, as heard by a chuckling BBC Online reader.

"When all you can hear is 'warning, warning, too low, too low' and you see eight fire engines chasing you down the runway, you know it's not too good."

-Cardiff manager Dave Jones sensed all was not well with his squad's plane - it suffered instrument failure.

"You must be f***ing joking. Do I look as If I'm a masochist ready to cut myself? How does relegation sound instead? Bloody hell."

- Alex Ferguson on being asked if he'd like Liverpool to start winning titles again, just to add spice to the rivalry.

" Avram Grant has a completely different profile (to Mourinho), he's not very noisy."

- Arsene Wenger, still pining for Jose.

Red Devils go all holy

Remember Wayne Rooney returning more quickly than expected from an ankle injury a few weeks back? Well, the Sunday People put this "miracle" down to the startling fact that Manchester United players are being read "extracts from the Bible to motivate them in training and quicken their road back to full fitness as part of a new initiative".

"We have an open mind to all forms of medicines as long as the player gets fit again without endangering his future health," explained Brian McClair, the former United player who is now the club's youth academy director.

"I have heard that one of our fitness coaches is involving the Old Testament during weights sessions. He is attempting to inspire the players with the stories - they prefer to just look at the pictures, though."

Capello chat

"It's like going from Captain Mainwaring to Field Marshal Montgomery."

- Mark Perryman of the Official England Supporters Group says cheerio to Steve McClaren and, eh, ciao to Fabio Capello.

"It's a shame to go looking for a Swede or an Italian. It is as if you are saying to the English coaches: 'You are in England, you are all rubbish and we are going to look elsewhere'."

- French coach Raymond Domenech sends his sympathies to 'Arry Redknapp and Co.

"If you put an 'o' on the end of his name, then he is going to be good, isn't he?"

- Paul Jewellio's not best pleased with the English FA's love of all things foreign.

" Capello is devoted to himself. He hardly has any friends, he is phenomenally wealthy and he is a very hard man. Imagine Jose Mourinho on steroids."

- An Italian journalist, understandably unnamed, quoted in the Telegraph last week.

" I will win the World Cup."

- Capello sets about dampening English expectations.

Gigi's at it again (God bless him)

Regular readers of Planet Football (hi John) will know that we have a soft spot for Steaua Bucharest owner Gigi Becali - not because we like him, more because he often fills a gap when we're struggling, eg the time he was alleged to have commissioned a painting based on da Vinci's Last Supper, with himself as Jesus and 11 Steaua players and the coach as the apostles. Like you do.

Anyway, Gigi is at it again, expressing his discontent with Steaua's form by announcing that he will cutting the players' wages and bonuses - "they must borrow money from the banks if they want to spend some for Christmas day," he said.

He also hinted that some of the players may not have a future at the club: "When I was a shepherd, I was killing the old sheep for meat and I was selling the lame sheep to replace them with new young sheep able to produce healthy lambs." Eric Cantona once said players were sold like lumps of meat. In this case mutton.

More quotes of the week

"Andy O'Brien is not Bobby Moore or Franz Beckenbauer but we certainly miss him."

- Bolton boss Gary Megson, the first man ever to get Andy O'Brien, Bobby Moore and Franz Beckenbauer all in the same sentence.

"I see myself staying at this club until my career is over, unless I move to another club at some stage."

- Once again Benni McCarthy pledges himself to Blackburn. Ish.

Crusader of hopeless cause

Best of luck to Baris Kaska and his campaign to have Inter Milan's 3-0 Champions League defeat of Fenerbahce overturned because the Italians wore a strip with "Crusader-style" red crosses that, he says, are "offensive to Muslim sensibilities".

The Turkish lawyer has filed a complaint with Uefa and lodged another in a local court, a move that has left Inter "astounded".

The new strip is being worn to mark the club's centenary but, aware of sensitivities, they opted not to wear it in Istanbul, only for the home game. "It made me think immediately of the bloody days of the past," said Kaska, "while I was watching the game I felt profound grief in my soul."

True enough, there's a striking resemblance between Inter and the Crusaders' kits