Tributes to Liverpool: Reporter: "Did the better team lose?" Reply: "OF COURSE!!" "Liverpool scored their early goal and then they just defended. They didn't deserve to win. The best team lost." - One guess (cryptic clue: he's the manager of Chelsea).
"They didn't score a fantastic goal. It came from the moon, or Anfield Road."
One guess (cryptic clue: he's Portuguese and he's The Special One).
"If you asked me whether Liverpool were the team dominating Europe at the moment, I leave you to answer. They are already lucky to play there because of the advantage this country has with getting four places."
One guess (cryptic clue: he's the manager of Arsenal and he's not bitter at all).
"Three things count when you are a manager: results, the influence you leave and your legacy. Apart from Gary McAllister, all the players we signed were between 20 and 24. They are all there today."
Gerard Houllier, after, eh, leading Liverpool to the Champions League final.
Eh, well done, Liverpool?
"Don't you just love the springtime," Richard Burke asked us, via email, last week. "The lambs frolicking in the fields, the birds singing so sweetly, the flowers blooming all around and Liverpool in the European Cup Final. There's something so reassuring about it all."
Yes, since frolicking to that success over Chelsea last Tuesday - a small consolation for losing to the same opponents in the League Cup final - Richard has been insufferable - sorry - euphoric. And he asked us to allow him remind you all of "what Eamon Dunphy had to say on RTÉ's The Premiership on January 22nd last about Liverpool's chances in the Champions League":
"The only way they'll see the Champions League is on the telly." Indeed. Our thoughts precisely, at the time.
Richard? If you don't want to know Dunphy's feelings post-Tuesday look away now: "Liverpool in the European Cup final? There goes the neighbourhood. Still, I suppose that's the price Uefa must pay for lowering the bar and enabling some of the cheaper teams to take part."Dunphy, Part I.
"There's always the risk that one of them will hop on a lucky wave and, grimly holding their Lotto ticket above the spray, ride all the way to the tournament's pointy end." Dunphy, Part II.
"You've got to feel sorry for a side (AC Milan) that gets all the way to the final, only to find, standing alongside them in the tunnel, not one of the best teams on the Continent, but not even the best team in Liverpool." Dunphy, Part III.
Drawing comfort
French league football has, by all accounts, come close to being a cure for insomnia this season. Before the weekend just gone there had been a record 49 scoreless draws, beating the previous record of 31.
Auxerre's Guy Roux, the veteran coach, has insisted, however, that this is actually proof of the quality of the football being played.
And this is how he articulated his view: "For me a high-scoring match is sometimes like an easy girl. I prefer a good 0-0. It resembles a girl full of charm and virtue and harder to catch."
For fear of sounding ageist at 66 we'd imagine Guy has trouble catching anything this weather.
Quotes of the week
"They could put a parking metre next to Alan Hansen and I'd find it more interesting watching it click round."
Quite how Peter Schmeichel, Hansen's Match of the Day team-mate, would take this tribute from Rodney Marsh we're not sure.
"If he's not sure then he should take time - but the most important thing is we want him to do it quickly."
Alex Ferguson's advice to Rio Ferdinand, currently mulling over a new contract offer. No wonder Rio looks confused.
"I want to tell the fans I will score against Chelsea."
Liverpool's Luis Garcia, speaking ahead of The Game. As if.
"There are big and there are big games. This is the latter."
A BBC Radio Bristol reporter, as heard by a Private Eye reader.
"This is the worst start Chelsea could've hoped for . . . but it could've been worse."
Trevor Francis, on ESPN, after Luis Garcia's goal. As heard by a flummoxed Football 365 reader.
"Sometimes when I call home after a game and tell my daughter that we won 1-0 she says to me: 'only 1-0!'."
God knows what five-year-old Mathilda Mourinho said when Daddy called last Tuesday night.
Icing on the cake
We loved this headline on Tribalfootball.com yesterday: "Chelsea cap season with glamour fixture against South Korea's Suwon Blue Wings".
Hmm, that's the icing on the cake alright.
So, 48 hours after their final game, against Newcastle, the squad will fly 5,500 miles to South Korea to play in an exhibition match. The club, though, reassures us the game has nothing to do with their £50 million shirt deal with Korean firm Samsung. And who are we to doubt them?
We noted, too, that neither John Terry nor Frank Lampard will be able to travel because they are "remaining behind for surgery".
Wonder how many more of the squad will say "Ouch! I feel a twinge!" after the Newcastle match? If Mateja Kezman hangs in there he might even get a game.
More quotes of the week
"Novo did well to get his body between himself and the ball."
Radio Scotland's Jim Duffy. Eh . . .
"He's making all kinds of hand signals, but no one can hear him."
BBC Radio 5's John Murray. Eh . . .
"I was absolutely shitting myself. If he had scored I would have started crying. I would have retired on the spot - or maybe shot myself."
Liverpool's John Arne Riise, somewhat relieved that Eidur Gudjohnsen missed that last minute chance for Chelsea.
"I had two negative experiences in my life wearing the No 7 shirt. The first one was with Atletico Madrid and then also with Celtic. But I didn't have any other option. I have played in and always liked the No 10, and if I had that I would have played better."
Juninho, making no excuses for his dodgy spell in Scotland.
Reporter: "Are you still special?"
Jose Mourinho: "For sure I'm still special."
