ALL IN THE GAME A SOCCER MISCELLANY:FEBRUARY 28th: "The team has been completely destroyed. He ruined my Palermo. Rossi has destroyed this squad . . . I should've kicked him out at Christmas."
Palermo owner Maurizio Zamparini explaining why he sacked coach Delio Rossi and appointed Serse Cosmi as his successor.
Thirty-five days later: “Changing the coach was my mistake. I apologise to the fans. I hope that the future is better. I’d already had a rethink about sacking Rossi.”
Zamparini after sacking Cosmi (whose reign lasted four games) . . . and reappointing Rossi.
Any sympathy for Cosmi?
“I am amazed by his bitterness considering he cost me €500,000 – which is a grand total of €100,000 per weekend.”
That’d be a “no”.
Nursing ambition: US women’s soccer kit is really no joke
“HA, ha, good one,” was the gist of our response when we saw a piece on the “From A Left Wing” blog about the new kit for the United States women’s team. The date on the yarn was April 1st, so we, naturally enough, assumed the players wouldn’t actually be kitted out in what looks uncannily like a nurse’s uniform.
We gave it no more thought, until stumbling on an ad for the kit last week – yes, for $79.99 (€56) you too can look like a nurse playing international football.
“They want you to know, for sure, that this is a not a man’s shirt,” said the blogger, “so the number-one ranked womens team will go to Germany (for the World Cup) in a nurse’s uniform.
“This is quite simply the ugliest womens football jersey I have ever seen.”
We’d hazard a guess, though, that Sepp Blatter thinks it’s the business.
High fives: Barcelona not too concerned about tempting Clasico fate
GRANTED, if you’re Barcelona you’re probably not too concerned about tempting fate, their trophy count suggesting they’re entitled to feel a bit on the confident side. Still, with a possible four “Clasicos” in 18 days coming up against Real Madrid – a league game, the Copa del Rey final, and, maybe, two legs of a Champions League semi-final – they’re not exactly being bashful in the build-up.
Were Real Madrid's last victories in black and white or in colour? chuckled goalkeeper Victor Valdes last week when asked about Madrid’s recent record against Barcelona.
Barcelona’s biggest triumph, of course, was that 5-0 hammering of Jose’s lads earlier in the season – and lest they forget, when they arrive in Barcelona they’ll see the city’s buses carrying an ad for a health care company featuring Carles Puyol and Co holding up five fingers.
If Madrid get the better of Barca in these encounters expect to see an ad campaign with Jose holding up just the one finger.
No masking matter: Neymar loses face after sending off
YOU know, this Neymar fella, the Brazilian wunderkind, is beginning to make Mario Balotelli’s life seem uneventful. Never a dull moment. The latest? First he scores yet another blissful goal for Santos against Colo Colo in the Copa Libertadores, then he gets sent off when he picks up a second yellow card for an illegal celebration of the goal.
How did he celebrate? He put on a mask – of himself. The masks had been handed out at the stadium by one of Neymars sponsors, but, as manager Marcelo Martelotte said somewhat ruefully: He was sent off for not knowing the rules.”
Happily, the mishap didn’t cost his team – they won 3-2, in a game that featured four more red cards. Lively stuff.
€20,000: That’s how much compensation Jens Lehmann wants for having his personal rights violated by Werder Bremen goalkeeper Tim Wiese. After Lehmann, while working as a TV pundit, criticised him, Wiese suggested he should “go on the Muppet Show”. “That man should be on a couch. Maybe someone would be able to help him there. Commit him - best to an asylum." A Munich court will hear the case this week.
Rapid descent: Bucharest coach and player pay price for ‘ugly moment’ on team bus
IT'S probably fair to say that relations between Rapid Bucharest coach Marius Sumudica and his central defender Marius Constantin are a touch strained, the former being docked 10 per cent of his salary and the latter 25 per cent after a bit of a run-in on the team bus recently.
"It was an ugly moment from beginning to end," said Rapid chairman Dinu Gheorghe when he announced the punishments, confirming speculation that the manager had made an "indecent remark" about Constantin's wife, at which point the player attempted to throttle him.
Mind you, Sumudica had already hinted that all was not well when he said of Constantin: "I'll talk at some point about this character who makes me wretch, but not now."
He expanded on his feelings later on, newspaper ProSport quoting him describing the player as a "punk" who "drinks wine from his mini-bar" before games. "And when you enter his room there is so much smoke it could stand up a bicycle. And he eats five strips of chewing gum in the morning so as not to smell."
Any hope of an, eh, reconciliation?
"As long as I am coach Marius Constantin will never play for Rapid.
"And he said he no longer wants to work with me. Okay?"
Okay.
Dearie me
Where's Harry?: Redknapp reveals stresses and strains will lead to under the tree
WORD OF MOUTH:"If some stupid fans don't understand and appreciate the gift this guy gave to the world they can go to hell. I don't want them to be fans. If they don't understand and don't believe in things I believe in they can go to Chelsea."
– Fulham chairman Mohammed Al Fayed not best pleased with criticism of that hilarious . . . sorry . . . striking statue of Michael Jackson at Craven Cottage.
"There is a Milan style of behaviour that I don't think is very close to that of Balotelli. I don't think his style suits us."
– Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi berates Mario Balotelli for his off-the-field behaviour. Honest, we haven't made it up.
"Barry's got a very good agent. He's also discreet and always agrees with the manager. He's like the guy, who sits in the front row and listens to the teacher. I certainly don't lose any sleep when I play against him."
– Joey Barton, sitting at the back of the class lobbing paper planes at the swots, warmly salutes Gareth Barry.
"Did you see the game against Germany at the World Cup? If you watch the fourth goal, when Mesut Ozil was up against Barry, it was like the hare and the tortoise."
– The next Barton v Barry midfield duel should be tasty.
"It's amazing, no grey hair . . . one day I will just keel over and it will show all the pressure is under the surface. 'Wheres Harry?' someone will ask and they'll be told 'He's under that tree over there'."
– Harry Redknapp on how he and his hair are coping with the pressures of the job.
"We had a supporter who got a bad injury at training. I think it was one of Djibril Cisse's misses where he had a shot from 20 yards. I'm making fun of it now, but it knocked a supporter out."
– Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn explaining just how costly Cisse's wayward striking proved – the supporter is now suing the club.
Fed to wolves: Ferguson turns on superintendent
ALEX Ferguson didn't take altogether kindly to the comments of Wolverhampton superintendent Mark Payne last week when he said he would have expected his officers to arrest Wayne Rooney if he had behaved on the streets of the city as he did after scoring that goal against West Ham.
"There is a wee guy sitting down there in the Midlands, probably never been recognised in his life, managed to elevate himself to whatever it is in the police force," said Ferguson. "Have you ever seen Wolverhampton on a Saturday night? Do police ever arrest anyone for swearing on a Saturday night? Dearie me. That is a good one."
We have a hunch that Ferguson doesn't use Twitter, which is probably just as well. If he didn't like Payne's remarks, he'd have choked on his porridge if he'd read food critic Giles Coren's tweet:
"Wayne Rooney is a vile human. May he die choking in hot dog s**t while his eyes are burned out with lye and skewers are pushed into his ears."
You know, people have been arrested for less. Even during a night out in Wolverhampton.
