"Mario needs two. And then after that, another two." – Roberto Mancini on being asked if Mario Balotelli needs a psychiatrist.

"I don't know if it is the best performance in football history, but he did very well." – Mancini again, this time not getting too carried away by Joe Hart's performance against Borussia Dortmund.

"The moment I realised it was a penalty, I was so sad. I thought I was in a nightmare and asked myself: 'What can I do? Cut my hands off?'" – Dortmund's Neven Subotic on conceding that penalty against City.

"I have no immediate intention to relieve anybody of their duties." – Bournemouth chairman Eddie Mitchell giving manager Paul Groves a vote of confidence. (Two days later? Yep, Groves was clearing out his desk).

"Maybe it's because I don't speak English or something." – Luis Suarez trying to figure out why Liverpool's young players don't ask him for advice.

"We have CVs coming in, it is not as bad a club as people make out." – Shebby Singh, Blackburn's "global advisor", might just need to brush up on his selling techniques.

"Nani is not the type to dive. He has never been that type of player." – Who said Alex Ferguson doesn't have a sense of humour?

"Unless someone's built him up into being Zinedine Zidane, I don't know how he got that move. He'll do well to play football and if he's not playing, will Joey be happy? We'll probably find out on Twitter." – Chris Waddle wishing Barton bonne chance. He reckons he'll need it.