What do you do with Meath? Drive a stake through their heart? Riddle them with silver bullets? Hose them down with holy water? Were Professor Van Helsing alive, he'd be much in demand as a football selector in a variety of counties. The story of this extraordinary, roller-coaster, adrenalin burning Bank of Ireland Leinster football semi-final replay is that Kildare, improving on their performance in the drawn match, had the All-Ireland champions on their knees several times, but were still reduced to scrambling a desperate equaliser in the fifth minute of injury-time at the end of extra-time.
As a result, the teams return in a fortnight to do battle in the second replay of a fixture that is now assuming the epic proportions of Meath's four part encounter with Dublin six years ago.
It's impossible to exaggerate the sense of atmosphere and madcap drama that crackled throughout the afternoon. Every time you imagined that the match's pattern and projected outcome had become clear, some bolt from the blue or mysterious change of direction changed perceptions and threw into doubt the most copperfastened theories.
Both teams alternated good football and bad football and whereas Meath were unhappy with the amount of time added on by referee John Bannon - who in one of the afternoon's many subplots had replaced injured original match official Pat O'Toole - at the end of extra-time, neither deserved to lose - or win.
At the end of it all, there were the usual type of Meath statistics: in the lead for only eight out of the 100 minutes played and trailing for 86 minutes. Yet when they needed to, Meath reeled in Kildare. They may not be playing like a great team at the moment - too many key players are out of sorts - but they are almost impossible to beat.
This gives manager Sean Boylan and his selectors some hope for the future because whatever ails Meath, it's not a conventional case of jaded champions lacking the bite that characterised their success; they're too driven for that diagnosis.
There were times yesterday when the team was going badly and knew it. Players were involved in petty squabbling with their markers, seemed out of tune with each other and at times conceded territory by mouthing at the referee.
It would therefore have been easy for Meath to throw their hat at it. The warm feeling of last year's success could have lulled them into a drowsy willingness to write off yesterday as a lost cause. Somehow they found the conviction to keep going.
Of all the small recoveries and scores scratched out of the unforgiving afternoon, one in particular was spell-binding. Meath didn't score at all during the first half of extra-time whereas Kildare improved their station by 1-3, the goal a good finish by centrefielder Willie McCreery - who sustained in the process the injury that would end his participation in the match - after Brian Murphy had broken the ball away from Martin O'Connell.
Now the sighs of "Meath are gone" were reaching bold volumes and even the prospect of a good hiding by "the obviously fitter" Kildare was being ruefully countenanced.
Instead, the champions caught fire and Kildare were nearly engulfed. Even less probably, the fuel was largely provided by substitute Jody Devine. A lively and energetic player with great pace, he has earned a reputation for heedless use of the ball - a reputation which some believe misrepresents him.
At training last Thursday in Navan, he was one of only two forwards to record a flawless eight out of eight in the point-kicking exercise. No less a judge than Mattie Kerrigan believes him to be "very accurate", but "inclined to rush things" at inter-county level.
Yesterday with both Leinster and All-Ireland titles on the line, Devine kicked four spectacular points from out the field, all in the space of nine minutes and together with Trevor Giles and Tommy Dowd, pushed Kildare - unthinkably - into second place. Devine's fourth point in the 100th minute sent Meath ahead.
Now with the Hogan Stand in danger of bursting with the volume being generated by howling Royalists, Kildare looked dead. They had been completely over-run, but just as it appeared safe to nod in final pronouncement on the match, play dragged on for a mystifying - although there had been some injuries - five further minutes.
A disputed award provided the denouement. Padraig Graven was in possession and appeared to have been perfectly legitimately shouldered over the sideline. Neither a lineball nor a free seemed in order, but one was given from, co-incidentally, the same position that had provided the launching pad for Meath's equalising goal at the end of normal time.
Niall Buckley, who had re-enforced the dominion he had exercised at centrefield in the drawn match, stepped up to take it. His attempt dropped just short into the small square where substitute Paul McCormack got a fist to it and flicked it over the bar.
It was appropriate that Buckley should have been involved in saving the match because his non-stop activity up and down the pitch, his stylish football and the quality of his scores made him possibly the most consistent influence on the match. Behind him, captain Glen Ryan was again undaunted by an obvious injury and time and time again subdued both the pain and his opponents.
Hearts would have broken for Kildare if they had lost a match that they had dominated for so long. Had they lost, there would have only been themselves to blame. When they were on top of the game, Kildare recorded an awful succession of wides.
In the second half of normal time, Kildare kicked 11 wides. But for this, the match would have been far beyond Meath's reach.
Mick O'Dwyer's team had improved in the crucial forward sector. Brian Murphy was introduced for the replay. The big former Cork dual player provided unsettling physique which troubled Mark O'Reilly. In addition, Murphy belied his status as a converted defender by striking a glorious goal early in the second half after effecting a one-two with Willie McCreery.
Although the old tendency to take everything but the kitchen sink out of the ball was evident at times, Kildare managed to play a more direct game and drew excellent performances from Eddie McCormack, in particular, who kicked four points and Graven, whose menacing presence around the pitch complemented his accurate free-taking which served as a dire warning to Meath that fouling would be an expensive tactic.
The first of many turns in the match came in the 22nd minute. Having survived a spell of being run ragged, Meath had started to assert themselves. Trevor Giles had pushed them ahead, 0-4 to 0-3, and Kildare's response was awaited.
It came when Graven's free was touched in towards the goal by Murphy and as Colm Coyle hesitated to handle the ball on the ground, it ran for Tom Harris who kicked to the net.
More gratifyingly for Kildare, they maintained their lead as Meath came back with Graven's frees and a fine point on the stroke of half-time keeping them three ahead, 1-7 to 07.
With the match there for the taking, Kildare showed no immediate signs of blinking. Early second-half wides from Giles and Tommy Dowd were followed by some accurate point-taking from the same pair and Brendan Reilly. Yet again, however, when Meath had Kildare in their sights, the game changed.
A fine move involving Declan Kerrigan - not as prominent as two weeks ago but effective enough to draw two changes of marker - Murphy and Buckley ended with Murphy's 43rd-minute goal.
Just three minutes later, Giles helped haul back the match with an expertly dispatched penalty after Dowd had been fouled. Despite good chances at both ends, the end of the match was approaching with Kildare three points ahead.
Shortly afterwards, Graham Geraghty, who hadn't been going as well as in the drawn match, was sent off somewhat harshly for a trip that must have been severely construed as a kick.
Sixty-seven minutes had gone when a long-range free from Giles was deflected by Ollie Murphy - who was much improved in the second half - into Dowd's path. He was brought down and a penalty awarded.
It would have been a grave injustice if Giles had ended up as the player who cost Meath the match. He didn't get hold of the kick and Christy Byrne - excellent through- out in Kildare's goal - blocked it.
Giles had been immense for Meath at nearly every stage of the match. His scores kept them in the match in the first half, his penalty revived them in the second half and as usual he worked and worked. Ironically, his redemption at the end of the match was at the expense of a player equally undeserving of stigma.
Davy Dalton had played exceptionally well at full back for Kildare, taming Brendan Reilly and controlling his area. On this occasion he rashly kicked the ball out of play with an unmarked colleague nearby who could have carried the ball up the field.
From the lineball, Ollie Murphy's dropping shot was fumbled by Dalton and nearly kicked to the net by Colm Coyle. Instead the ball was deflected up in the air and Giles was on hand to time his jump and palm it down into the goal.
Extra-time came and went and the crowd departed to get their nerves in order for the second replay on August 3rd.