Today's other stories in brief

Cross about Maltese affair

The press really didn't know where to start after that humiliating Euro 2008 qualifier defeat to the little Mediterranean island ranked outside the world's top 100, the national team coming in for some ferocious criticism. "This is an outrage" read one headline, while another paper described the team as "the laughing stock of Europe" and the result, which leaves them second from bottom of their group, a "catastrophe".

Yep, it all sounds a bit familiar, but we're talking about Hungary's shock 2-1 defeat in Malta. "It is a shame, an ignominy, a slur that a nation like Hungary with the finest pedigree loses a game against a sorry Malta team that has not won a European Championship qualifying tie for 24 years," read one report. We know how you feel lads, we know how you feel.

The tall and the short of it

If Leeds were to draw Bolton in this season's FA Cup, we'd half assume they'd try to avoid leaving Alan Wright to mark Yang Changpeng at set-pieces. Changpeng, at 6ft 9in (two inches taller than little Peter Crouch), is, allegedly, the world's tallest footballer and has joined Bolton on trial from Chinese Super League side Wuhan FC.

Meanwhile, 35-year-old former Aston Villa full back Wright, at 5ft 4in allegedly the shortest player in Premier League history, has joined Leeds on loan from Sheffield United. "He isn't the tallest, but he jumps as though he's on a trampoline," said Leeds' Steve Stone. Perhaps, but it didn't stop Spurs fans serenading Wright thus, every time he was on the ball, when he visited White Hart Lane a few years back: "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go . . ." Poor lad.

Quotes of the week

"I feel like someone who gives a second key of his car to a friend. The man comes, takes your car, uses it for 10 days, and leaves it in the countryside, out of petrol. You have to go and get it back and it has broken down. Then one month later he comes back to get it again."

- A less than chuffed Arsene Wenger after a trio of his players returned from international duty with injuries.

"Where did you get the nickname Dickie Dosh from?"

- Ray Stubbs' question to Walsall's manager. Whose name is Richard Money. Ray?

"I have accepted that the remainder of my career will be at smaller clubs. Aston Villa is perfect for me."

- Martin Laursen endears himself to the Villa Park faithful.

"I am playing alone up front, which is not what I prefer. Our game is based on "kick and rush" so I don't get the ball much."

- He's hardly a day at Bolton but, like ourselves, do you get the feeling Nicolas Anelka's got itchy feet? Again.

"When the ball hits a defending player's arm or hand in the box it's either a penalty or it isn't."

- Does Gary Megson actually get paid by Sky Sports for sharing this expertise?

"Neither me nor Javier (Mascherano) have come to West Ham to be saviours or to just make ourselves look good as individuals. This is football, not tennis."

- Carlos Tevez. Since he and Javier arrived at the club West Ham haven't got a first serve in.

Elgin losing their marbles?

Saturday proved to be a bad day for Manchester United. True, they beat Wigan 3-1, but the club's hopes of losing the record for the longest run of defeats in the history of British league football (12 games in the 1930-31 campaign) were dashed when Elgin saw off East Stirling.

Having lost 10 third division games in a row since the start of the Scottish season, Elgin were edging ever closer to breaking that record, but manager Brian Irvine hired a sports psychologist in the build-up to the East Stirling game in an effort to interrupt the losing streak.

The players were asked to provide samples of their hair, after which they were told what mineral and vitamin doses they required. Cripes, how we laughed . . . until Elgin beat East Stirling 5-0 in front of 427 gobsmacked souls. Granted, they're still 22 points adrift of leaders East Fife, but a start's a start.

More quotes of the week

"I'm very glad that you finally got down from the trees and found a worthy place for yourself - a safari park. It shows you have both the habits and instincts of monkeys. I will bring your favourite Celtic scarves right inside the cage for you to wear. And if you behave like our monkeys Chippy, Rosie, Blossom and Pansy, I'll give each of you a banana as a reward."

- Hearts owner Vladimir Romanov once again expresses his admiration for the Scottish football writers.

"I'm not sure if he's a Catholic, but he should go to my Portugal's Fatima - to be alive is a bit lucky."

- Jose Mourinho after Petr Cech's rather nasty injury.

"When I was mad once I put a television set up in a tree in my garden and tried to knock it down by kicking a football at it. And it worked!"

- Cristiano Ronaldo on his unique personalised training programme.

"England's weak spot is Paul Robinson. I heard they have said they are trying to find a new keeper who is better."

- Croatia's Luka Modric peers in to his crystal ball ahead of Wednesday's game.

Wikid-pedia

D'you know that Wikipedia website, the online encyclopaedia, the one that's had trouble in the past with mischievous folk contributing slightly libellous summaries of the lives of well-known people? Last week a kind man by the name of James emailed us to alert us to the fact Andy O'Brien's Wikipedia entry had been edited, not all that long after his less-than-satisfactory outing against Cyprus, by "a disgruntled fan who seems to have taken out some of his anger on him".

"Andy has been derided recently as one of the worst players to ever represent his country at international level following his shocking performance in Ireland's 5-2 loss to Cyprus in the Euro 2008 Qualifiers," read the altered entry. Some of you might feel that's factual enough, but 24 hours later Wikipedia removed the particular sentence. Andy, they probably suspected, had suffered enough.