A study of thumb-sucking is being conducted among primary children in Kettering. Presumably allowances will be made for the fact that a number of them will be Manchester United supporters.
Oh to be a fly on an Old Trafford wall if ever one of Malcolm Glazer's progeny bumps into the United manager and asks, in all innocence: "Say Alex, we gonna win anything this season?" At the moment it might take a thumbscrew to get an answer.
After his team had lost, limply and lamentably, to Lille in the Champions League on Wednesday night Ferguson's weary acceptance of the performance said more than a thousand hair-dryings. Everything suggested that he realised this could be the beginning of the end of one of football's greatest eras.
Not that it is over yet. Judgment surely should be reserved until full strength has been restored to Ferguson's defence and midfield. What is in serious doubt is his ability to restore the strength of continuity which enabled Manchester United to dominate the 1990s. Ferguson could lose a few of his regulars and fill their places with players equally capable of performing the tasks in hand.
Now, even some of his first choices do not, on the evidence of the rout at Middlesbrough and defeat in the Stade de France, appear able to do what is required of them. For Roy Keane, growling offstage like a cantankerous Irish wolfhound, it is a matter of attitude, but in Paris it seemed more a lack of aptitude.
Naturally, events in the last few days have renewed speculation about Ferguson's future as United's manager. Tomorrow marks the 19th anniversary of the day he took over from Ron Atkinson. What price Chelsea, whose new plutocracy could hasten Fergie's departure, blowing out the candles?
For any manager on a rolling one-year contract a bad spell of results will cast doubts on how long he can stay in the job. Except that Ferguson is not just any manager, to which a total of eight English Premiership titles, a Champions League, a Cup-winners' Cup, five FA Cups and a League Cup bear testament.
Victory over Chelsea tomorrow, a possibility given the hairline cracks appearing in Jose Mourinho's defence, would ease the immediate, media-fuelled pressure on Ferguson. At the same time, United are almost certainly not going to win the Premiership this season, so he needs to make serious progress in Europe as well as ensuring Champions League football next season.
A failure to finish in the top four would surely see Ferguson go, either of his own volition or with American assistance. But, even if he is still there for 2006/07 it is hard to avoid the feeling that the game is witnessing the final throes of one of its most distinguished eras. In soccer, eras usually die of natural causes. The outstanding players mature, move on and are replaced by lesser players, so teamwork and movement all suffer.
After the peaks of the 1960s Manchester United could not conjure up another Denis Law, Bobby Charlton and George Best or, until Ferguson arrived, another winner like Matt Busby. The old Arsenal won seven league titles between 1931 and 1953, with seven seasons lost to a world war, then withered on the vine for 18 years.
Ferguson calls to mind Stan Cullis, the iron hand that ruled Wolves for 16 years from 1948, winning three championships and two FA Cups. One moment Cullis looked unassailable, the next he was gone and Wolves were immediately relegated.
At present watching Manchester United is like visiting a stately home fallen on hard times and noting the spaces where once hung notable family portraits - names like Peter Schmeichel, Gary Pallister, Jaap Stam, Bryan Robson, Mark Hughes, David Beckham and Eric Cantona.
Keane, Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes will be added to the collection before long and Ruud van Nistelrooy will be 30 next July. Some hall of fame that will be - and sooner rather than later Ferguson's picture will surely be in it.
