AGAINST THE ODDS:VINNY FITZPATRICK didn't believe in coincidence but there was something a little spooky that the text from Brennie should arrive just as he was reading about Gary Lineker's dash to avoid the ash and get back from the Canaries to London in time for Match Of The Day, writes RODDY L'ESTRANGE

Vinny cared little for Lineker’s cheesy grin and throwaway puns but, as an old Evertonian, he held a soft spot for the former England striker who had given fine service at Goodison Park. After noting Lineker’s litany of planes, trains and automobiles, Vinny turned his attention to Brennie’s message.

Its contents were far more disturbing than Lineker’s tale of mild business-class discomfort and Vinny was jolted upright, spilling the Sunday papers off his lap. “Stranded in Lisbon. Any suggestions?” read Brennie’s missive.

That Vinny’s excitable football-daft friend was in Portugal was thanks to a spectacular betting coup involving a €20 double on Don’t Push It in the Grand National and Phil Mickelson in the Masters which had netted almost €5,000. As a consequence, Brennie had pushed the boat out at Foley’s last week, setting up a tab which lasted for several hours and led to untold merriment, if not for Dial-A-Smile who was run off his feet.

That night, Vinny had even felt sufficiently well enough to rekindle his love affair with Uncle Arthur’s finest but he was on a tight rein, medically, and declared after just two pints, much to the astonishment of the lads.

Before leaving Foley’s, Vinny was told of Brennie’s hastily-hatched plan to shoot off, together with Fran, to Lisbon for the Benfica versus Sporting derby and to dabble for a night or two in the casinos of Cascais.

Secretly, Vinny was envious of his friends as he would have loved to have joined the Benfica socios in the Stadium of Light for a few chilled Sagres and tried his luck with the high rollers on the roulette tables. But, as he recovered from his recent major health problems, Vinny was effectively under house arrest in Dublin 3 and the furthest he could travel without Angie getting edgy was to the Bull Island and back.

Even so, that didn't mean Vinny couldn't assist his friends from Clontarf Central. If Lineker could get back to London for Match of the Day, then Brennie and Fran could make it to Foley's for their constitutional, he felt.

After switching on his laptop and skipping his favoured betting sites, Vinny responded to Brennie’s message: “Am on the case, don’t worry.” With that, he turned his attention to plotting a route back to Dublin for Brennie and Fran. “It’s time to bring my boys home,” he thought to himself.

Applying himself diligently, Vinny googled various route planner websites as he tried to tie down an itinerary that would see the lads make Foley’s before the weekend.

His first option was the iron horse and he spotted a Monday train from Lisbon overnight to the French Basque town of Hendaye. From there, there was a TGV to Paris via Bordeaux, the Eurostar to London, a rattler to Holyhead and a ferry to Dublin. If all the connections clicked he could get the lads back in 37 hours.

Alas, there were snags. He couldn’t book tickets online for the Lisbon train while a blogger described the overnight train journey to Hendaye as a nightmare. Other obstacles were the price of the Eurostar ticket, a hefty £233 for a 75-minute journey, while there was no guarantee of a sailing from Holyhead either. After phoning the Portuguese train company, CB, Vinny was distressed to hear the train to Hendaye was booked solid until Sunday. There was an alternative train to Paris via Madrid but that was sold out too.

It was time to consider another option: the ferry. Vinny had spent two summers in the 70s working for Irish Continental Lines on the St Patrick ferry from Rosslare to Le Havre and Cherbourg. He knew the roll-on roll-off cruisers weren’t the quickest conveyance but at least they got you there.

As Vinny tip-tapped away, against the odds, he hit gold – there was availability on the Cherbourg to Rosslare route with Irish Ferries on the Wednesday night. From Rosslare, the lads could catch a train to Connolly Station, a ten-minute taxi ride from Clontarf.

The problem Vinny faced now was how to get the lads from the south-west tip of Portugal to Normandy.

Undeterred, Vinny keyed in the words ‘Lisbon+car hire+France’ and was led to a website which offered services by road to all corners of Europe.

He tapped in his request, saying he required a car to drive two people from Lisbon to Cherbourg at Tuesday lunchtime. Within seconds, a reply flashed up. A Mercedes E-series, and driver, was available for €1,500 cash up, to include petrol, tolls and insurance. The pick-up point was Lisbon airport.

It looked a fair deal to Vinny who reckoned that he could have Brennie and Fran home for under €2,000 and in time for a jar on Thursday night. It would mean blowing a big hole in Brennie’s winnings but the alternative was leaving his friends stranded and that was too awful to contemplate.

Aware that half of the Royal Navy’s fleet were steaming towards Spain to rescue stranded Britons from the ports of Bilbao and Santander, Vinny felt compelled to do his bit.

“If ever there was an Irish Dunkirk, this is it,” he thought to himself as he phoned Brennie with the news of his master plan.

Quickly, Vinny ran through the travel arrangements, from the meeting point in the airport, the drive through Portugal, Spain and France, the ferry deal, the rail connection. All that was needed was the lads’ say-so and the props would fall in place.

After hearing of the plans, Brennie asked Vinny to wait a bit while he consulted with Fran. As Vinny hung on – noting that the call was costing him a fair few euro – he could hear music in the background.

He guessed Brennie and Fran were in a pub. “Probably drowning their sorrows,” he thought. After a few minutes, Vinny was startled to hear a female voice on the end of the line. “Hello Mister Vincent, my name is Heidi. I am in Lisbon on a short holiday with my friend, Anna. We cannot get back to Gelsenkirchen in Germany because of what is happening and we were feeling very sad until we meet your friends, Brendan and Fran.

“They are such nice men, who have invited us to stay with them in their hotel until the airports open. They said they want to thank you for what you have done.

“Mister Fran has written down a message for you. I will read it. It says ‘Put your ace of hearts on that’. I don’t understand this but he said you would. Don’t worry about your friends, Mister Vincent, we will take good care of them. Auf wiedersehen.” With that she hung up, leaving Vinny Fitzpatrick shaking his head, a wry smile on his lips.

Bets of the week

1pt Spurs to beat Manchester United (15/2, Skybet)

1pt each-way Ross McGowan in Ballintines Championship (35/1, general)

Vinny’s Bismarck

1pt Lay Dunguib Rabobank Champion Hurdle (3/1, Paddy Power, liability 3pts)