Dead men don't wear plaid, but golfers do. Sartorial elegance and golfing attire rarely find their way into the same sentence. Those outside of that particular sporting clique have long considered golfers fashion victims.
What is deemed acceptable on the fairways would draw ridicule on the streets. Golfing haute couture, an oxymoron in itself, has suffered a rather chequered career. The Ryder Cup has perhaps been the biggest culprit, giving birth to some quite outlandish gear.
Forget about the jumbo collars of the 1970s and trousers that Rupert the Bear would blanche at, as the fashion evolution over the next two decades perpetrated some heinous crimes on the eyes. The polo shirts worn by the American team for the final day singles at Brookline in 1999 was a classic example of an idea that should have ended up on the cutting-room floor. The picture collage of previous American Ryder Cup glories resembled a kindergarten project.
Nor can the Europeans smirk as they too have paraded some distinctly dodgy clobber. Who can forget the excesses of the 1980s, all those salmon pink, powder blue, canary yellow shirts, offset by barely fire resistant polyester trousers and chess board jumpers. Expensive labels don't guarantee good taste.
It's not alone the Ryder Cup participants who have appeared to dress in the dark: the distaff side of the partnerships, the wives and girlfriends, have endured some fashion catastrophes. It's hard to forget the startlingly Stepford wife-ish attire worn by the partners of the American team at the 1991 Ryder Cup in Kiawah Island.
Star-spangled uniforms owed more to Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders than catwalk fashion.
The ladies lose their identity when corralled in the same clothes. In 1997 the ladies in the European camp were dressed in ensembles designed exclusively by German fashion house Escada Sport.
The European players' partners have since broken with the tradition of uniformity, instead being given the freedom to bring an individual style to the proceedings. For example, Paul McGinley's wife, Alison, took a trip to Brown Thomas to augment her wardrobe.
The Americans seem more content to mesh into a collective identity. Phil Mickelson touched upon the whole partner dynamic yesterday in suggesting that competition will not alone be provided by the European team.
"Well, they are competitive in whatever sport we play. My wife beat me last night in ping pong and that wasn't fun to hear about. In pool they have (physical) issues. But the other games that we'll play, whether it's board games or card games, my wife is very competitive, as the others are, and it's fun."
American captain Hal Sutton has said that the wives were worth half a point to his team. He elaborated: "I think they are a partner in life. They have the easiest access to make a statement to these guys. And probably, if it's anything like my relationship, I listen to her. And if I don't she says it again. Occasionally, I'm like any other man and am glued to the television and I don't hear; she calls it selective hearing.
"They have an opportunity to make a difference and I want the wives not to be afraid to make that difference."
It'll be interesting to note the fashion gaffes this week, although the first couple of practice days haven't unearthed any attire that would assault the senses. Escada, Oscar Jacobsen and Ralph Lauren seem to be winning the battle. It's time to dust off the shoulder pads, apply the lip gloss and tease that hair. The real battle at Oakland Hills begins with the opening ceremony.
