CRICKET ASHES TEST SERIES: IT TOOK Australia until 20 minutes after lunch to wrap up the fourth Test, which they had dominated since the first ball of the match thudded ominously but to no avail into the pads of Andrew Strauss, and perhaps since the shenanigans that immediately preceded it.
Had Marcus North, the man of the match, held a straightforward slip catch from the final ball on Saturday, to leave England six down and sinking fast, Ricky Ponting may well have claimed the extra half hour available and finished the job off in two days, such was the disconsolate disarray in the home ranks.
Instead, robust batting, carefree now that the game was up, dented some bowling figures. Stuart Broad (61) and Graeme Swann (62) added 108 for the eighth wicket from 80 balls in just over an hour. A total of 163 runs came in 24 overs before lunch and another 18 runs came after before Mitchell Johnson, rejuvenated after some chastening times earlier in the series, polished things off to finish with five for 69.
It had been fun to watch, just enough to keep Australia honest as they eyed one of the heaviest defeats they have inflicted on England. Stuart Clark, the metronome of the first innings, was clobbered at a rate he has never experienced in Tests, conceding 57 in six overs as Broad and Swann flung the bat. It is amazing what can be achieved when the pressure is off.
None of this can camouflage one of the most desperate all-round performances from an England side in recent years. All out for 263 in the second innings meant the margin of defeat was reduced to an innings and 80, but it made not a jot of difference to the perception.
There will be no positives to be taken from the match, no carrying momentum forward. Even the most cursory analysis screams of staggering ineptness throughout.
Of the 20 England wickets to fall, 13 were taken in the offside catching cordon and two at short leg. If that told a story of batsmen nibbling away like goldfish feeding, then it ought also to have given a clue as to how the bowlers should then have bowled. Clearly they had not been watching.
England eventually managed 10 Australian wickets and not one single chance was created for the slip cordon. Was it a ploy to pepper the middle of the wicket?
Andy Flower could scarcely contain his contempt for the idea when posed the question, so it must be assumed that the bowlers, lauded in earlier games and given ideal tools with which to work here, were just incompetent.
The ineptness, as Australian batsmen pulled and cut witheringly, was just staggering. Strauss was helpless, let down, a man desperately trying to plug leaks instead of plotting a downfall. Ponting, by contrast, thanks to his bowlers, had an easy game in the field.
Through it all, it is easy to forget that the series stands at one match apiece and is very much alive. England can still win back the Ashes and The Oval on Thursday week will provide a memorable sporting occasion.
England place considerable store on how they can bounce back from defeat. Let the dust settle first.
Yet it is hard to see how they can come back from a caning like this, for so high is Australian morale now, with every justification, and so low that of England, that the gap is probably unbridgeable. Only Simon Katich and Mike Hussey failed to contribute to a terrific Australian team performance.
England, on the other hand, have very little to take away. Broad’s six wickets and half-century make him the first to achieve such an Ashes double since Darren Gough in Sydney 14 years ago, but he was massively flattered, his bowling ordinary and his action requiring attention. His increasing petulance is not finding favour with umpires either, and probably not team-mates. Someone needs to have a word.
Beyond that, Alastair Cook stuck around gamely in the face of a severe examination and Matt Prior top-scored in the first innings.
But for the first time in the history of Test cricket the same middle order, three, four and five, all failed to reach double figures in either innings, contributing 16 runs between them. Ravi Bopara looks shot, Ian Bell no more likely to dominate a tight attack than he ever was, and Paul Collingwood scrabbling for survival now Johnson is firing.
The loss of Kevin Pietersen is insurmountable and the decision to allow him to play in the Indian Premier League when carrying an injury from the Caribbean was a blunder, as it was with Andrew Flintoff. Now the bulletins on Flintoff will become ever more important. His bowling may not have made an impact at Headingley, such is his tendency to under-pitch, but The Oval will be different.
Talk of preparing a bespoke pitch – green or dustbowl – is just that. It will be a good Test match surface. England will need to work harder than ever. And they need Flintoff back for a last hurrah.
Ponting is looking forward to a new career highlight after his team set up this Ashes decider.
“This is the chance we have been waiting for all tour,” Ponting said. “We are all very excited about it. It is going to be one of the best moments of my career and it’s what cricket is all about.
“The last couple of days have been our best cricket,” he said. “That has given us a blue-print of how we want to play. Everything is heading in the right direction for us now and it will be difficult for England to bounce back.”
Ponting said, however, it was vital not to get too carried away.
“It is important to keep a lid on what we have done but we will have a spring in our step at The Oval and a lot of confidence behind us.”
For his part, Strauss said: “This is no time to panic. We shouldn’t get carried away. I’d be very resistant to wholesale changes but we need a period of calm reflection to pick the best 11 players to win the game.”
Strauss said England usually responded well in adversity.
Guardian Service
