A round-up of today's other stories in brief
A kit above the rest: When shirts go bad
SHOCKING JERSEYS:A press release for a book to be published in October, The Worst Football Kits of All Time, arrived in our inbox last week, and the accompanying photos were, indeed, a sight to make many an eye sore.
It’s hard to pick the most shocking, really, but we’ll opt for the Australian shirt from 1991, described by the book’s author Dave Moor as a “technicolour yawn”. And that was being kind.
Mind you, the newly unveiled Newcastle shirt for next season could make it in to the second edition of the book – what were they thinking of?
And what about the new AC Milan shirt? It’s perfectly attractive, and according to Adidas its “design is reminiscent of the Rossoneri strips of the early 20th century”, but still: why would you want to fiddle with perfection, aka the current Milan kit?
Humble Totti not one to blow his own trumpet: He lets his t-shirt do it for him
WORD OF MOUTH (I)
– Jose Mourinho last week. Divil a word.
"This is a very special record and it's very important for me, so I enjoyed myself designing a t-shirt to celebrate this unforgettable moment. It reads 'The King of Rome is not dead' . . . it's true, I never die."
– Francesco 'oh Lord it's so hard to be humble' Totti on scoring his 206th Serie A goal.
"I heard that I have £12,000 worth of parking tickets. If that was true then I would have to get about 35 tickets a day. It's not possible. I have maybe 20 parking fines, which I know is a lot."
– The one and very only Mario Balotelli.
"The team Man City had could probably play in the NBA. They were like the New York Knicks."
– David Moyes after his Everton midgets slam-dunked the Manchester giants.
"The Spanish named a stadium after Santiago Bernabeu. I think I deserve having the stadium in Milan named after me."
– AC Milan president (and part-time Italian prime minister) Silvio Berlusconi (above). You get the feeling Milan will be playing their home games in the 'Forza Silvio Stadium' next season.
Shear madness: Title victory means chop for Grosskreutz
KEVIN'S HALF-CUT:IT can be a dangerous thing to vow never to have your hair cut until your team wins the league – we can still remember Rafa Benitez, for example, promising to let his goatee grow until Liverpool won the title, leaving the poor fella tripping over the beard.
Borussia Dortmund's Kevin Grosskreutz (right) made a similar promise before Christmas, declaring that he wouldn't have his hair-do trimmed until the club secured the Bundesliga title.
Well, happily, they managed to do just that last week when they beat Nurnberg at home, the victory prompting the mother of all celebrations. The highlight of the on-the-field party was, undoubtedly, when Felipe Santana produced a hair-cutting device and proceeded to remove Grosskreutz's mane. Santana appeared to get distracted half-way through the job, leaving Grosskreutz looking like a dog with mange.
You'd imagine the fella had the job completed soon after, but still, when he's showing his grandchildren photos from the day he won the Bundesliga their only question will be: "What was that on your head, Grandpops?"
In German, obviously.
Dung ho: Baboons let fly as Rooney goes for safari drive
WORD OF MOUTH (II)
"S**t all over my car."
– Wayne Rooney's tweet from Knowsley Safari Park where baboons, sadly, relieved themselves on his RS6 Quattro.
"He showed me an image of a running cheetah. He said when I run he sees that in me."
– West Brom's Peter Odemwingie on how a sports psychologist helped turned his season around. How much did that session cost, you'd wonder?
"Arsenal have quite literally shot themselves in the foot."
– Sky Sport's Alan McInally on the Gunners' self-inflicted wounds yesterday.
"Manchester United are the favourites. They are a great team that also like to play football. We finally got our reward and we're going to the final. We feel so happy. I hope we can win but Manchester are a great team."
– It's the way Xavi tells 'em.
They made right tweets out of us: Davies signs off while it turns out Smith is a faker
ALL A TWITTER:JUST a week after a flurry of abuse prompted Darron Gibson to close his Twitter account – just two hours after opening it – another footballer has decided to end his Tweeting days, Bolton's Kevin Davies (right) bid adieu to his 99,622 followers because he, too, had enough of the abuse.
"Just to let you all know today will be my last day on Twitter," he wrote. "It's been very interesting and met some great people but not for me any more. Reason for leaving is partly due to abuse that nobody needs really."
The final straw, it seems, was the suggestion from a bunch of Blackburn fans that Davies was a bit on the overweight side, a lone voice defending him from the allegation: "Don't get the 'fat' abuse! I see him naked everyday and not an inch of fat on him!"
That tweet had us worried about Davies' marriage, until we read it was from Emma. His wife. Phew. "Got to stop reading what absolute moronic pillocks write to SKD (Super Kevin Davies)!!," she added, faithfully.
The biggest Twittering disappointment of the week, though, was the news that Alan Smith's (above, right) account had not, as reported, been hacked by someone claiming to be his ex-fiancee.
She left a string of highly scurrilous and hugely entertaining allegations, but the agents of the Newcastle player spoiled the fun by announcing he had no affiliation whatsoever with the account in question.
It was all, apparently, a bunch of fakery. Gutted.
Til death do them part: Rossi hangs on at Palermo
GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE:IT was only a month ago that we noted a rather dramatic change of heart by Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini when he rehired manager Delio Rossi (right) just 35 days after sacking him, and promised he would remain in charge next season.
So, how are things going? Well, take your pick from Zamparini's most recent quotes: (1) "If there are no changes, then we'll divorce Rossi." (2) "There is a 90 per cent chance that he will stay because he is like my wife. You can have an argument, but you stay together."
It's all a bit up in the air, then. Again.
While his mood has been slightly lifted by Palermo reaching the semi-finals of the Coppa Italia, Zamparini is less than pleased with the team's league form.
"When I see our results, I often wonder if our players are training specifically to set a new record for goals conceded."
Start packing, Delio.
GILDED DAYS OVER FOR ROBBIE
"The surreal thing is that at 4.45pm, I'll be 'Robbie Savage ex-footballer' . . . the life you are in now, the word 'no' doesn't exist. You get your bottom wiped for you."
– Robbie Savage, who played his last game on Saturday, on the new skills he will now have to acquire.
