Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN
Hoeness to goodness: Uli shakes his hands at question
HANDSHAKE controversies? There’s no end to them. Last week Franck Ribery neglected to shake the hand of Bayern Munich coach Jupp Heynckes after he was taken off during the Champions League defeat at Basel. This, naturally enough, led to a bit of speculation about the state of relations between the pair, and the issue dominated a press conference with Bayern president Uli Hoeness.
Did he say: (a) “No, no, everything’s fine between Franck and Jupp, it’s perfectly natural for a player to feel disappointed when he’s substituted. I would expect him to feel that way, but they hugged and made up afterwards. They have huge respect for each other. There’s no problem at all.” Or (b) “Just stop with your ****ing handshake questions. You just keep talking about that handshake, for **** sake! Who wants to shake hands after such a match? Are we at a boarding school for girls here or what?”
Fantastically, (b).
For Filippo's sake: Young Inter fan pleads with players to save him being teased
LAST week we awarded Tiago Rech our prestigious "football supporter of the year" gong, even though there are a fair few months to go in 2012, for being the only person in the massive away section for Santa Cruz's recent game at Gremio in the Brazilian league.
Well, we've decided to take half the award back and give it to a nine-year-old Italian called Filippo who has become a bit of a star in his home patch after holding up a rather plaintive sign during a recent Inter Milan game against Bologna at the San Siro: "Can you win? Otherwise I'll get teased at school. Thanks. Filippo."
So inspired were the Inter players by Filippo's polite and heartfelt request they, well, lost 3-0 to Bologna for the first time since 1998.
That made it a third Serie A defeat in a row, and the third game running that the misfiring Italians failed to score.
Inter tried to make it up to Filippo by inviting him to their training ground where he received his own personalised shirt from captain Javier Zanetti.
"I won't change team, I remain an Inter fan," he said.
"I hope the banner I showed against Bologna is the last I will have to hold up."
His fellow supporters have their doubts about that, it's been one of those seasons, but Filippo is hopeful that things will pick up.
Needless to say, AC Milan fans are now producing their own versions of the banner, eg: "Milan, continue to win so we can tease Filippo at school."
Aw.
Messi hairdo: Barca maestro ends up looking like Mr Bean
A BARBER by the name of Peluqueria Telo has started up a YouTube channel to promote his work, his second video showing him carve the face of Lionel Messi in to the hair of a young fella. We only know it's Messi because "Messi" is etched above the face.
Two of the kinder comments under the video: "Epic Fail". "It looks like MR BEAN, not Messi".
Unkind, but they had a point.
Is that Roo in Rio?
A THROAT infection has ruled Wayne Rooney out of action of late, but at least the break gave him the chance to turn up at the Carnival in Rio de Janeiro last week. Looking good, too.
Stevie G's place: Indonesian boutique hotel a shrine to all things Anfield and Liverpool
THERE was much talk on the interwebs last week about a new boutique hotel in Bandung, Indonesia named "Stevie G". Yes, that Stevie G. The owners, as you might possibly have guessed, are Liverpool supporters, so one of the rooms in the hotel is a virtual shrine to the club – they've even called it the "This is Anfield" room.
On the walls you'll find the faces of Gerrard, Kenny Dalglish, Luis Suarez, Ian Rush, Robbie Fowler and – maybe a little curiously in light of where he (occasionally) plays these days – Michael Owen. Bizarrely, neither Ryan Babel nor Andriy Voronin feature.
Oddly, in light of the publicity the hotel has been getting, its website is still 'under construction'. You have to hope that doesn't apply to the building too.
I'll have the Scouse red
Jittery defending hard to swallow: Neville turns sour on Napoli's shortcomings
"They look so unsure on their feet, I've seen milk turn quicker."
– Gary Neville being a bit sour about Napoli's defence during their Champions League game against Chelsea.
"Football isn't a popularity contest on Twitter and Facebook, it's self-discovery. Pull your fingers out of your a***s guys!"
– Arsenal old boy Emmanuel Petit last week – and they did just that yesterday.
February 14th – Wolves chief executive Jez Moxey on the club's search for a successor to Mick McCarthy: "This job is not a job for a novice, that's obvious."
February 24th — Jez Moxey on the club's appointment of Terry Connor (above right): "We're proud of the decision we've taken." Number of clubs Connor has managed before? Eh, zero.
"The chap who protects me is a seventh dan in karate, but he is not big or butch or anything. He knows how to handle himself. It is a bit strange having him around, but there are some good things too. He is bloody interesting to talk to, for a start."
– Blackburn manager Steve Kean on his new best friend – his bodyguard.
"First Napoli, then we will see. But if we go past Napoli then we can have a really good chance, depending on who we get in the draw."
– Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas . . . before last week's 3-1 defeat to the Italian club. Oops.
"She says 'out of the house. If you think I'm looking after you, and you are going to be in my road every day, you're not on. So you can get another job, become a milkman'."
– Alex Ferguson explaining why he's not retiring – his wife Cathy won't let him.
Throwing shapes: Iceland sub launches a few rockets
THE star of the show during Japan's 3-1 win over Iceland in a friendly in Osaka last week was, strangely enough, an Icelandic second-half substitute who had the crowd all a-tingle with his throw-ins. Why?
Because they were of the somersaulty flip variety.
"When I played in Iceland I just aimed at the goal and the guys would just have to head it in. We scored a lot of goals out of them," said Steinthor Freyr Thorsteinsson, a midfielder with Norwegian side Tippeligaen, who puts Rory Delap in the ha'penny place.
