NEWTON'S OPTIC:A RESPONSE to all striking electricians from the Irish middle class: Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. What you've got there is one of the old-style social partnership agreements, with the 11 per cent deal-breaker. Haven't seen one of those in years. In fact, I don't think they even make them any more. They're not properly grounded, you see, so if something short-circuits then the whole thing trips out.
Not safe at all. No, I can’t touch it. Health and safety. The insurance wouldn’t cover me.
Anyway, even if you got it fixed you’d never get it certified. I won’t put my name to it if it’s not certified. Yes, it is me who issues the certificate. Yes, it is my trade body that makes the rules.
What’s your point? Do you want this sorted or not?
I’m glad you mentioned going right to the wire and having your back to the wall because you might have to strip all the wiring out of your walls. Didn’t I mention that? Well, I’ve mentioned it now. You can keep the old agreement if you like, but it’s overloading everything else, so if you want me to do anything about it then it all has to go. I’ll do as neat a job as I can, but I don’t do replastering, repanelling, repainting, retiling or refunds, or know anyone who does, or allow anyone you know who does to be on site with me at the same time. Sorry, that’s just the way I work.
What I could do instead is rip out your old agreement and put a whole new one in. It’s not that big a job really. The new ones are much better, they just switch off if there’s a fault instead of blowing a fuse. Cut the power and isolate the problem, that’s the best approach I always find.
I suppose you can get your own new agreement if you really insist but there’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to install it. I might not be certified for that kind of model, or it might not be compatible with your existing system.
I suppose I could come over to take another look, but there’s a call-out fee plus my time. Could you be in on Monday morning, up to 5pm on Friday, for the next three weeks? No? Right, well you’re going to have to stop wasting my time here, mate. I’ve got other jobs on you know.
The best thing is for me to bring my own agreement along and fit that. You’ll not get it any cheaper. Yes, maybe I will take a 10 per cent cut but, like I said, you’ll not get it any cheaper.
By all means ask around for a better deal, I’ll not stop you. But there are a lot of cowboys out there. If you want an agreement that works you’ll have to call someone like me eventually, and all us middle-class guys operate pretty much the same way.
So you want an overall quote then? Okay, that’s my 10 per cent to remove your 11 per cent, plus parts plus time, and I assume you’ll be doing your own labouring. Oh, and we might as well keep it cash. No point getting the taxman involved, right?