NEWTON'S OPTIC: THE IRISH Timesinvites readers to sing along with the new hit musical 2016! Please note that this is an advance score and some of the wording may be provisional.
Act One
Jack O'Connellorolly: Don't cry for us, Argentina. Or Cuba, or Venezuela. All through the hard times, the social tensions. They'll keep their promise. We'll keep our pensions.
Public Sector Chorus: We are unionists! We are unionists! No, not that kind. The other kind.
Pearse McLoony: And as for fortune, and as for fame. I never invited them in. Though it seems to the world they were all I desired. They are illusions. They're not the solutions that neo-liberalism said they would be. So there you are. That's all from me.
Public Sector Chorus: Neo-liberalism! Neo-liberalism! What the hell is neo-liberalism?
Countess McKeownevicz:How do you solve a problem like neo-liberalism? How do you catch the banks and pin them down? Who can we blame for whatever we mean by neo-liberalism? A Lenihan? A Harney? A Cowen?
David Frankenbeggar: I'll just jump to the left. Then step to the right. But it's my general thrust that really drives you insane. Let's do the time-warp again.
O'Connellorolly: Enough! We must seize the means of production.
Public Sector Chorus: But we don't produce anything.
O'Connellorolly:Then we'll just make everything seize up. To the General Welfare Office!
Starlight Luas Interlude
Two lines of dancers dressed in red and green cross the stage on roller-skates, passing each other but never quite touching . . .
Entire cast: National Development Plan! National Development Plan!
(Repeat. Fade.)
Act Two
Pat Nearly: Oh, you, pretty city boom bang, pretty city boom bang, we loved you. But now, pretty city boom bang, pretty city boom bang, you are through.
Private Sector Chorus: We've got bills, they're multiplying, and we're losing control. Cos the power you're supplying. Is not particularly electrifying.
Pat Nearly: You were sleek as a thoroughbred, your seats were a featherbed, you turned everybody's head all day. We glided on our ego trip, with pride in our ownership. The envy of all we surveyed.
Private Sector Chorus:You'd better shape up, you'd better understand.
Denis Casement:Oh! I like to be in the ILP. Okay by me in the ILP. Everything free in the ILP. For a small fee in the ILP.
Eamon FitzValera: In this life, one thing counts. In the bank, large amounts. Sums like these don't grow on trees. You've got to transfer a loan or two, boys. You've got to transfer a loan or two.
Private Sector Chorus: Seriously. You guys need to sort this out.
Herbert Asquinn: I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain. To see for certain, what I thought I knew. Far far away, someone was weeping. And my phone was beeping. Any offer will do.
Private Sector Chorus: Right. That's it. Were off to the General Welfare Office.
Public Sector Chorus: This office is closed!
Private Sector Chorus: But how will we collect our pensions?
Public Sector Chorus: Ha! You dont have any pensions.
(Shooting commences.)
Celtic Tiger King: It's the circle. The circle of life.