NEWTON'S OPTIC:AS PETER Robinson prepares to assume the DUP leadership, what will it mean for Northern Ireland to have a former estate agent as first minister? There seems little doubt that Mr Robinson is ideally qualified for the job.
Northern Ireland is a semi-detached property occupying a prominent position in its own view. Formerly owned by the Ulster-Scot family, buyers may take its land, but they may never take its freehold. There is an unresolved boundary dispute but, as a former estate agent, Mr Robinson can be relied on not to mention it.
He can also be relied on to increase the property's size, at least on paper, from a rather cramped 13,843 sq km to a generously accommodating 14,000 sq km. Nationalists will be pleased to learn that Northern Ireland is "very convenient for Dublin", while unionists will be reassured to learn that they still enjoy a secluded location.
There may be significant administrative savings once the quango sector has to pay for its own surveys.
Mr Robinson can offer expert advice on presenting Northern Ireland in a manner which increases its market value. Clearly-defined spaces, feature walls and the use of small items to distort all sense of proportion should come quite easily to the present occupants.
Mr Robinson himself has already made a start on this by replacing all the outdated paisley fittings and fixtures. Another trick of the trade is to put some bread in the oven so that everything smells half-baked. Add a lick of paint here and there and some carefully-placed plants and nobody will notice the rot.
Once the property is on the market, Mr Robinson's experience as an estate agent should really come to the fore. By tricking London and Dublin into bidding against each other, or even just against themselves, he can ensure the best possible price for whatever it is that Northern Ireland has to offer.
Stormont colleagues expect Mr Robinson's former profession to strongly influence his governing style. Meetings will all be scheduled at the same time to create a heightened sense of interest, everything will operate on a commission basis and new DUP finance minister Nigel Dodds will be referred to as "our independent financial adviser".
Mr Robinson's background might also inform his approach to particular issues. The question of public transport could be addressed by declaring that everywhere is only five minutes from everywhere else. And community relations could be addressed by declaring that every neighbourhood is a good neighbourhood.
The question of Irish-language street signs could be addressed by simply taking rival signs down during the night.
Perhaps the most pressing problem facing Mr Robinson is the fact that so many people in Northern Ireland live apart.
This is why more apartments are an ideal solution. Another advantage of apartment buildings is that everybody gets their own lobby.
Mr Robinson is known to have great plans for the development of Northern Ireland and as both first minister and a former estate agent he will know how to get those approved.
He may also know some developers, although this is almost certainly a coincidence. Northern Ireland is a rather small place, after all, albeit very generously accommodating.