AUGUST 19TH,1905: MUSICAL COMEDIES or comic operas were all the rage on Dublins stages in August 1905, but it is very doubtful if they raised as many laughs as this court case in Lisburn involving an unfortunate couple whose evidence had the audience in a state of high glee in the public gallery, if not rolling in the aisles:
Amusing was the evidence given yesterday at Lisburn in the case of Ann Mercer v John Mercer,which was a summons under the Married Women's Act of 1886, for maintenance.
The plaintiff, a woman of 50, deposed that she was married to the defendant, who was 72, in February of last year.
He came along to her little house, looking for a wife. (Laughter)
“Did you know him before?” asked her solicitor.
“I knew no more about him,” the complainant replied, “than if he had fallen from the clouds.” (Renewed laughter)
Continuing her story, the witness said her aged lover said he had £500 and £25, and would give her a good “keeping,” when he got her.
Although she brought nine laying hens with her, he would not allow her an egg, but gave her the top off his an odd morning. (Loud laughter)
After a few weeks he told her to get a separate house and leave him, or there would be lives lost and hanging matches. (Laughter)
He used to tell her that there was a man in Belfast who had killed his wife with a stool, and significantly add that there was a stool in the house.
He always kept a razor “convenyent,” and would tell her of a man who cut his wife’s throat, and he would also mention how a man killed his wife by throwing her down the stairs.
When she went to sleep he would give her a “dunch” in the ribs and say “See, see, Ann.” (Laughter)
He also told her that he prayed God to keep him from killing her.
Mr Wilkins (for the defendant) – Was it he or the £500 you married?
Yes, sir. (Laughter) As I was a lone woman.
You thought the £500 would come in useful? No, sir. He took me on his knees, and said that I was “quate” (quiet) looking – (loud laughter) – and that he was going to die. (Roars of laughter.)
And wasn’t that the reason you married him? Yes, sir. (Laughter) I married him for a keeping.
In reply to other questions, in cross-examination, the witness denied that she had neglected her husband.
The septuagenarian defendant was called. Asked if he thought he had call for another wife, having been twice married before, his reply was that he had no call for a wife, but for a nurse. (Laughter)
One day when he was unwell his wife left him for five hours, and when she came back he would not speak to her, whereupon she said – “Dumb devils is the worst of devils – (laughter) and I’ll leave you and go back to the place I came from, for I have another man I would rather have than you.” (Loud laughter)
Is there any truth in the statement that you used to talk to her about murders? Not a similitude. (Laughter)
Cross-examined, the witness said he was not married to his second wife till after his first wife’s death. (Laughter). He did not fall out with his present wife about the ring.
When the jeweller asked you for 14 shillings for the ring didn’t you say you never would marry a woman at the price – (laughter) – and offer him nine shillings?
No; it was 11s 6d. (Laughter)
Ultimately their worships made an order for 2s 6d a week.
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