Sir, - I've been saying it for years and the fact that she wants to retire is proof absolute. Maeve Binchy is lazy.
Remember the olden days, when we tore open the paper to get to her column? What did she do? She cut her submissions and left us high and dry.
Now, she's made a unilateral decision to retire. This simply must not be allowed. She's probably going to spend this so-called retirement lurking around getting material for those books she writes. Why, only yesterday I was in my local supermarket in Las Vegas. And what did I see? Whole shelves of Maeve Binchy books, all written at the expense of her columns in The Irish Times. And people were buying her books too. I tried to tell them that she actually wrote those books when she should have been working. But did they listen? No. People never listen when you've got a very valid point.
The thing to do is to change her mind. I understand, however, that she's not just lazy, she's obstinate too so this might be difficult. Let's do it the Irish way. Set up a tribunal immediately. The whole thing must be investigated. Lawyers must be hired; witnesses must be subpoenaed; and nothing is to change (and she must keep submitting) until the tribunal issues its findings.
That'll tie her to her desk until she gets the President's telegram. - Yours, etc.,
P. R. Moynihan, Las Vegas NV 89107.