Newton's Optic: Newton Emerson obtains an IRA Army Council information leaflet discussing what it might do in the future.
As the IRA debates the prospect of the possibility of discussions on movement towards entering a new mode, the Army Council information leaflet "Possible prospects for discussion on movement towards a context of other modes" contains a number of suggestions:
Irish Refuse Authority: Either a body responsible for tipping illegal waste over the Border, or an anarchist organisation.
Immigrant Resettlement Action: Advocacy group that campaigns for the rights of immigrants in Ireland, unless they have been here for more than 400 years.
Independent Revenue Agency: Privatised tax collection service for banks and developers, to be floated provisionally on the Bulgarian stock exchange. Flexible quotes always available.
Impartial Research Academy: Respected panel of judges, broadcasters and human rights lawyers working to expose corruption at the highest levels of Irish society by writing newspaper columns between trips to Venezuela.
Irischer Republikaner Anschluss: Pro-European democratic socialist party committed to uniting the territory of the Irish-speaking peoples under a charismatic vegetarian father figure.
Irish Retail Assistance: Umbrella body representing the concerns of small family businesses, especially those selling alcohol, cigarettes, DVDs and cocaine.
Insurance Reassurance Assurance: Promoting innovative freelance brokerage services to building contractors and other at-risk enterprises island-wide.
Irish Republican Aid: Like NORAID, only less partitionist. (Note: must never be abbreviated to IRAID.)
Internet Ranting Alliance: Underground network of middle-class UCD students with no girlfriends sworn to post "What about 800 years of British oppression?" on every noticeboard in cyberspace.
Interest Recovery Arrangement: Hedge fund set up to offset the interest forgone by hiding £26.5 million under a hedge.
Irish Responsible Architects: Pooling resources to build a united Ireland with foundations that will never crack, members who will never leak and subsidies that will never subside.
Industrial Remuneration Association: Co-operative credit union helping workers on the average industrial wage of €500 a week to afford luxury five-bedroom beachfront holiday homes in Donegal.
International Restorative Asbos: Community-focused youth justice organisation tackling anti-social behaviour in deprived areas by ordering children to leave the country.
Irish Red Army: Manchester United fans for a 32-county socialist republic.
Intellectual Revisionism Alert: Media monitoring cell comprising four unemployed single men from Dundalk who each write a dozen letters to the paper under a dozen different names in response to every article by Eoghan Harris.
Interpreter Recruitment Agency: Language activist organisation offering simultaneous translations of Irish into English, English into Irish and Gerry Adams into either.
Irish Representatives Abroad: Providing practical and financial support to Sinn Féin representatives in London, Brussels, Washington and Caracas.
Interface Rioting Association: "Putting the 'provo' into provocation".
International Rescue Armada: One of several maritime services available from Martin Ferris TD, aimed at anyone too republican to be rescued by the Royal National Lifeboat Institution. (Note: Martin will not do the actual aiming.)
Irish Republican Accountants: Disciplined body of financial experts representing the invoice of the oppressed.
Irish Remembrance Association: Fraternal society dedicated to remembering the deaths of patriots.
Irish Recovering Amnesiacs: Fratricidal society dedicated to forgetting the murder of compatriots.