MAGPIE:IN THE wake of the kerfuffle over those outrageous, scandalous so-called portraits of our Glorious Leader and Statesman, An Taoiseach and Uachtarán Fhianna Fáil, word has reached Magpie about a similarly tasteless prank conducted on his parents by a clearly ungrateful child.
Rory McInnes (18) climbed on top of his parents’ home in Hungerford in Berkshire and used white paint to depict a 60 foot long phallus on the roof (see photograph). Rory was inspired, if that is the right word for such an appalling outrage, after looking at Google Earth.
The phallus remained unseen for a year, save by local avians (not Magpie), until an eagle-eyed helicopter pilot spotted it and called the Sun. . . which in turn felt compelled to alert the culprit’s parents.
“It’s an April Fool’s joke, right?” quipped Andy McInnes. “There’s no way there’s a 60ft phallus on top of my house.”
Luckily for Rory, he was in Brazil when Dad telephoned. “Oh, you’ve found it then!” was his flippant response, clearly failing to grasp the enormous gravity of the situation.
Magpie understands that at this very moment, Government press secretary Eoghan Ó Neachtain’s aide de camp is en route to Berkshire with a message of sympathy from An Taoiseach.
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A couple in Lincoln, England, who went to see a play billed as capable of making you “laugh until they throw you out”were thrown out for laughing.
Sharon Whitelaw (41) took boyfriend Tony Priestley (42) to see a production of Bouncersat Lincoln's Drill Hall for a birthday treat. But at the intermission, they were told not to go back into the auditorium, as other theatre-goers had complained they were "laughing at moments that weren't funny, kicking the seats in front and being loud".
“I think the whole way we were treated was like children,”said Whitelaw, a taxi driver. “I wished the ground had swallowed me up at the time, I was so embarrassed.”
The couple received a full refund for the price of the tickets and their pre-ordered drinks.
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British television star Jonathan Ross is in trouble again. An on-air joke has prompted police to raid a wildlife sanctuary after Ross claimed that its staff had abused a dormouse. Ross displayed a photograph of the creature to a live TV audience, which he claimed had been manhandled inappropriately. He suggested the dormouse, pictured sleeping peacefully in a rose, had been woken from its hibernation for the photo shoot – an offence under the Animal and Welfare Act.
Millions of viewers heard the quip and some rang the police. When an officer went to investigate at the Secret World Wildlife Rescue Centre in Somerset, staff were horrified. “We told them the dormouse had never been woken up,” said sanctuary Jamie Baker.
Thank God for that.
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A US man who thought he was dying and confessed to killing a man in 1977 has been charged with murder after he got better.
James Brewer could now face the death penalty over the unsolved killing in Tennessee 32 years ago, according to US reports. Convinced he was dying after a stroke, Brewer reportedly admitted shooting dead 20-year-old neighbour Jimmy Carroll who he apparently believed had been trying to seduce his wife.
The 58-year-old, who had fled Tennessee after the killing, was arrested after his condition improved.
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A Pekinese dog called Ziggy paints abstract works of art that sell for around €200 each. “He enjoys painting but has to be in the right frame of mind for it,” according to owner Elizabeth Monacelli. It can take Ziggy days or weeks to finish a canvas, as he is only ever inspired for a minute or two at a time. “He’ll go for a while then just roll himself into a little ball and start snoring. Or he wanders off looking for snacks.”