NEWTON'S OPTIC:As Brian Cowen marks 99 days in office, The Irish Times, reviews his progress so far before every other paper prints a 100-days-in-office review tomorrow.
Day 1
Cowen celebrates his appointment by climbing onto the back of a tractor in Tullamore, singing I Did It My Way, then bursting into tears.
Day 2
After thinking about it overnight, the entire country decides that the new Taoiseach is a bit of a berk.
Day 6
Appearing on RTÉ news, Cowen admits that he has not read the Lisbon Treaty and calls the interviewer "a f***er".
Day 17
Oil hits $140 a barrel and the Irish stock market collapses. Cowen responds by cancelling the Fianna Fáil tent at the Galway Races.
Day 26
Farmers threaten to vote No to Lisbon if Cowen does not climb onto the back of a tractor, sing Come Fly With Me, then burst into tears.
Day 31
Polls suggest that the Government could lose the Lisbon referendum. Cowen orders everyone in Fianna Fáil to hang grinning pictures of themselves on lampposts.
Day 37
For some reason, the grinning picture campaign fails to persuade people to vote for the treaty which Cowen told those RTÉ f***ers he hadn't read.
Day 40
French president Nicolas Sarkozy calls Cowen "Un grand putain ignorants de Offaly".
Day 49
The ESRI warns that Ireland is heading for recession and accuses the Government of "flying blind". Cowen vows to bring the economy in for a soft landing by sending it text messages.
Day 57
The exchequer predicts a €3 billion shortfall due to problems in the construction industry, which collapsed after Fianna Fáil's no-show at the Galway Races.
Day 63
Cowen announces a two-year programme of spending cutbacks in the public sector.
Day 64
Recruitment ads for 600 staff at the new Public Sector Cutback Agency plus a tender to build its 15-storey Merrion Square headquarters appear in the Economist.
Day 74
Cowen delivers a keynote speech in New York but fails to sing New York, New York, burst into tears or climb onto the back of a tractor.
Day 76
Nicolas Sarkozy visits Dublin and tells Mr Cowen to hold a second Lisbon referendum, otherwise the EU will recruit a joint UK-Ireland commissioner. Bertie Ahern takes out a subscription to the Economist.
Day 86
National pay deal deadline expires. Staff at the Public Sector Cutback Agency demand a 10 per cent raise "to demonstrate our commitment to Europe".
Day 88
Pay talks between the social partners break down after employers and unions call each other "f***ers".
Day 91
Scandal erupts over the cost of an enormous shower in Bertie Ahern's new office.
Day 97
Cowen's "state of the nation" relaunch speech at the Tullamore Show is cancelled due to another enormous shower. Coincidence? Hardly.
Day 98
Cowen reschedules his speech for September's Fianna Fáil "think-in". The phrase "Fianna Fáil think-in" appears widely in the media, wiping another €5 billion off the stock market.
Day 99
Cowen climbs onto the back of an abandoned tractor in Tullamore, sings Send in the Clowns, then bursts into tears.