THE MAGPIE: WHILE CLARE County Council beavers away at vast expense translating into Irish documents for which there is no apparent demand, translators elsewhere appear to have become contaminated by a language madness of their own.
A translation company in Scotland seeking Glaswegian interpreters has so far had almost 50 applicants. Today Translations advertised in the Glasgow Heraldnewspaper for people who understand the Glasgow accent and can translate it for puzzled visitors to the city. The advertisement sought "speakers of Glaswegian English with knowledge of vocabulary, accent, nuances, to meet interpreting needs of clients who find it an unexpected challenge".
Successful candidates could earn up to £140 (€153) a day.
Today Translations spokesman Mick Thorburn said: “We’re not necessarily looking for people who are particularly skilled in linguistics, just candidates who can help out clients who may struggle with native Glaswegian.”
In case you are interested, this is the sort of Glaswegian stuff you need to know: Baltic (very cold); buckie (tonic wine favoured by youngsters); cludgie (toilet); hen (woman or girl); midden (rubbish tip); moroculous (drunk); and shoot the craw (leave in a hurry).
Send your CV to info@todaytranslations.com.
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A 63-YEAR-OLD homeless Russian man has gone from street life to stock-market trader after collecting thousands of empty booze bottles for cash, according to a popular Russian tabloid newspaper.
Pictured in a majestic purple suit and matching violet jewellery, Leonid Konovalov told the Tvoi Denhe had collected about 2,000 bottles a day over the past year since the economic downturn hit Russia.
“Russians are drinking a little bit more due to the crisis, and this helped me get out of the rubbish dump,” said Konovalov, a former engineer from the industrial city of Kemerovo in eastern Siberia who has spent the past 20 years living in a tip.
Russia’s many homeless are often seen rooting through rubbish for bottles and tins, which they can trade for money. A glass bottle can fetch about two roubles (€0.05).
The bearded former tramp said he was encouraged by his two grandchildren to take risks on the stock market and said his first transaction was a €50,000 share purchase.
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THE HOMELESS in Belgium, meanwhile, have other ideas.
Women’s rights groups have slammed a Miss Homeless contest that ended with a woman winning the first prize of a rent-free flat for a year.
Therese Van Belle (58) beat nine other finalists, who will now all go back on the streets. “I’m really overcome,” she gushed.
“I’ve never been lucky in my life. I think my life is about to change for the better.”
Organiser Aline Duportail said the competition was meant to draw attention to the plight of the homeless.
“The event was about the contestants’ inner strength and determination to get themselves out of their old life and on a new path,” she insisted.
But woman’s rights activist Jacqueline Aubenas was having none of it. “I am outraged. These girls [have been] turned into puppets parodying their own life.”
Runner up Leonie Renier (39) said she had lost her house and custody of her children because of drug and alcohol abuse.
“The contest is not obscene,” she said. “For a homeless person to want to be beautiful is not obscene. It is the misery of life on the streets that is obscene.”
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AND FINALLY, a cautionary tale for those so down on their luck that they snaffle crumbs from the plates of their betters . . .
A German boss has been forced to eat humble pie after sacking his PA for eating a single meatball from his plate.
Magdalene Happ (59), who had worked for the manager for 34 years, could not resist having a single mouthful of the delicacy she had prepared for her civil-servant boss in Dortmund.
But colleagues reported her for theft and she was sacked on the spot, an employment tribunal heard. “My client feels she did nothing wrong and the response was disproportionate,” said her lawyer, Wolfgang Pinkepank.
Now the shamefaced boss, Hermann Schulte-Hiltrop (51), has been forced to swallow his pride and apologise to Happ after pleading for an out-of-court settlement.
“I should have been more sensitive and I believe now that I was not well advised to react in the way that I did,” he said.
Note to his adviser: start clearing your desk . . .