FROM THE ARCHIVES:Donal Foley's satirical column, Man Bites Dog, ran its own commentary on the news in the 1970s and 1980s, in this case the end of a Guinness strike and criticism of Charles Haughey by Fianna Fáil TD Jim Gibbons who, as minister for defence, gave evidence against Haughey in the 1970 arms trial. -
JOE JOYCE
A LOUD CRY of relief from all parts of Ireland greeted the end of the Guinness strike. Men parched with thirst for days converged on every pub in Ireland and drank barrel after barrel of stout. The St. James’s Gate Brewery mounted an emergency distribution centre as lorries and barges loaded up with the precious liquid.
It was widely regarded as the worst national disaster since the 1913 strike. The Iranian hostage fiasco faded into insignificance as the “Dubbalin man” took up his traditional stance, elbow on the counter, savouring his pint.
The old trade union leader, Rashers Tierney, said that the men in returning to work had shown real patriotism. They had averted a national disaster. “To paraphrase Winston Churchill, never before in the field of human conflict did so many owe so much to so few,” he added.
The Irish Women’s Liberation Movement also welcomed the end of the strike as they feared for the safety of their members if it had gone on much longer. The FUE said the constant flow of porter again should help productivity considerably.
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Following the Jim Gibbons Kilkenny incident, when he spoke in a derogatory fashion of the Taoiseach, a special confessional box has been added to the Taoiseach’s rooms in Government Buildings. It will be used in future for confessions of political misdemeanours in newspaper interview or speeches by TDs or Senators. A number of appropriate penalties for the sinners has been worked out at Fianna Fail Headquarters.
For instance: A Deputy found guilt of contempt could be sentenced to two years touring of Cumainn. Republican knockers could find themselves attending Republican Graves for five years. The penance is known as The Opening of the Wounds. Deputies must not only apologize, but have firm purpose of amendment as well.
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According to that unlimited source RTE Rumours Unlimited, a new agriculture series entitled “Spuds”, starring “JR”, will go into production immediately. “JR,” star of the record-breaking soap opera “Dallas”, is a firm favourite in Ireland. He has already applied to join the IFA and is to take a course in farming at the Agricultural Institute under the personal direction of Mr Tom Riordan. He has got digs already in Leestown with the Riordans, and it is understood he will join the local Fianna Fail Cumann after his naturalisation papers come through.
According to political sources, he intends to challenge Mr C J Haughey for the post of Taoiseach when he is elected to the Dail. He will have the firm support of the Riordan family.
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