ALERT reader Brendan Grimes has written to me complaining about this newspaper's fondness for describing people as "older" when it means "old", writes Frank McNally
We did it four times last Thursday alone, apparently; and Brendan is well qualified to object. "I am an old man, not an older [ one]," he writes, "although it is true to day that I am older than most people now and I was very sooner older than some people after I was born."
This is a fair point, even if the popularity of "older" as a code word goes far beyond the pages of The Irish Times. Despite fierce competition, the term has emerged as the leading euphemism for "old" throughout the English-speaking world, giving us such things as the UN-sponsored "International Year of Older Persons".
The problem, as Brendan says, is that the word is meaningless in this context. Sobering as it is to think, my three-and-a-half-year-old son Daniel would now be well qualified to participate in an international year of older persons. He's not as young as he used to be, after all - something he forced me to reflect on only recently.
I was in town without my mobile phone one day, and had to make an urgent call home. So I found one of those archaic machines - "pay-phones", I think they're called - somewhere and dropped all the change I had left into the slot, hoping it still worked.
Amazingly, it did. And it was with a combination of relief and pride that I heard a small, familiar voice at the other end of the line, speaking clearly and confidently, and saying: "Hello, Daddy". Unfortunately, I didn't have time to admire his new telephone-answering skills, which he loves to practise.
Me: "Hi sweetheart. Can't talk now - I'm in a big hurry. Can you put your mammy on the phone?" Daniel: "No." Pause. "Where are you?" Me: "I'm in town. Seriously! I'm using a thing called a pay-phone and I don't have much time. Put your mother on, please."
Daniel: "No." Pause. "Where's town?" Me: (pressing the "Caps Lock" on my voice tone: "DANIEL! NEVER MIND WHERE TOWN IS. GET
YOUR MOTHER NOW!"
But I digress. The point is that we are all older people. Which is why the euphemism is so popular. Calling someone "old" these days can leave you open to charges of ageism or other misunderstandings, whereas using "older" carries a watertight defence. You know what you meant and the reader does too; but nobody can prove anything if it turns ugly.
The trouble with euphemisms, ironically in this case, is that they rarely last. This is because they tend to be imposed on the language, rather than sprouting naturally. And although people may eventually use them in casual conversation, they do so reluctantly, with inverted commas, or open scorn. Sooner or later, the old euphemism needs to be bailed out and replaced by a new, improved one.
Thus, in the past century, old people have gone from being "geriatric" (a polite term once, like "lunatic") to "senior citizens" to "elderly", before each of those was found to have too much baggage and a replacement was sought. American marketeers have recently resorted to corn metaphors, talking of people's "golden age", which sounds nice if you can block out the image of the approaching combine harvesters.
But the substitution of "older" for "old" is perhaps the most objectionable of all. Imagine what it would have done to music - especially the Blues - or to literature. Could Hemingway's hero have retained any of his dignity if the book had been called The Older Man and the Sea? And what about Peig Sayers? If a politically correct editor had substituted "older" for "old" in her famous intro - "I am an old woman now, with one foot in the grave and the other on its edge" - it would have sounded less like an autobiography about life on the Blaskets and more like an introduction to a Pilates manual.
Still, not everybody is as frank as my correspondent about advancing years. So if we have to use coy terms, is there a better one than "older people"? Something that would express the serenity of age while avoiding the pitfalls involved in calling someone "old" prematurely, and also maintaining some respect for language? Personally, I like the term "elders" - which, thanks to tribal communities and the Presbyterian church, has a resonance that "the elderly" lacks. "Elders" have wisdom as well as age. And if someone you so described objected to your presumption, you could always claim it was the former quality you identified in them, not the latter.
Also, I've just scanned my drinks cabinet - where age is generally a virtue - for possible adjectives. "Vintage" still has a ring about it. "Oak-aged" sounds good too (if a bit too exaggerated for most humans). I'm not so sure about "Very Special Old Pale".
The fridge is less helpful. "Fully mature" might be acceptable, I suppose. But "dry-aged" and "best before October 5th" would hardly work. Maybe other readers have suggestions?