Is it a holiday offer you can't refuse? Do you want to hold out for the timeshare in Lanzarote, or the beach house in Bali? Is it too late to change your mind? Today we look at the options for politicians as they open those all-important envelopes from the CAO (Central Acquaintances Office).
There is good news in the post for most politicians in this year's holiday allocations, unless they are intent on getting into one of the elite "high points" locations such as the south of France, or the more select Swiss skiing resorts.
Over 43 per cent of applicants will obtain their first preference, while 71 per cent will receive one of their top three preferences.
A spokesman for the CAO said yesterday that most politicians were "using the system correctly to obtain just what they want".
Now, say you are one of the lucky ones. The post has arrived and you're holding one if not two offers of holidays from well-heeled friends.
What happens next? If you have more than one offer - and if you haven't, it doesn't say much for your political acumen, never mind your talent for friendship - you don't actually have to accept any of them straight off. But our advice would be to accept all offers initially. Who knows, you might be offered the mansion in Malibu yet, and you can turn down the others later.
Don't worry about your pals being insulted. They know the score, or ought to by now. In short, you can accept various run-of-the mill apartments or villas in perfectly ordinary locations without affecting your chances of receiving a higher-preference offer in a few weeks' time.
So you have your first choice. Congratulations. You always wanted the freebie in South Africa and now all your cosying-up to the right people has paid off. Unfortunately, each year, the Politicians' Holiday Helpline receives a number of tearful calls from TDs who have discovered too late that, for example, the spouse is horrified at the idea of a "jungle" holiday and you cannot make them understand that South Africa is a very sophisticated destination these days. But there is no change-of- mind facility at this stage.
So if you are offered your first preference, that's it. You have made your bed, and must lie on it. The only other option is to reapply next year, and who knows when a snap election might take place and topple your apple-cart? So our advice is - grab it with both hands. After all, you could be back in Courttown the following summer.
How do I accept an offer? With great care. The country is full of begrudgers who, given the slightest opportunity, will make all kinds of insinuations and accusations. Discreetly conduct all arrangements through a third party. And for God's sake don't let the media get wind of it. Late August is a notorious period for the build-up of moral indignation in the Fourth Estate, and if word gets out, the leader-writers will have a field day, even if some of them couldn't spell "ethics" to save their lives.
You want to reject an offer. Are you mad? What did we tell you about accepting all offers until you sort out the best? If you don't know the value of keeping your options open by now, you're not going to last long in this game.
You did not get a single offer. This is an embarrassing situation, and there's not much point in trying to pretend to your more successful colleagues that it must be an oversight, or a postal delay. You will have to ask yourself candidly how and why you have rubbed important people up the wrong way, or failed to sufficiently impress them. You might conceivably turn the situation to your advantage by proclaiming a new-found squeaky-clean image, but will this console you on the beach at Ballybunion when your colleagues are in the Bahamas?
Nobody in Irish society is asking you what your plans are for the summer. Now this is disastrous. Somehow, everyone has twigged that not a single successful business person has seen fit to make you a holiday offer. You are a pariah. A political failure. An outcast. Nobody wants to come near you, never mind share a holiday home. But cheer up! You could still come in for a second- or third-round offer turned down by your more successful colleagues. Keep an eye out for your postman! And if all fails, console yourself with the knowledge that the range of hotels dispensing with single-person supplements is increasing all the time.