The famous failte enjoyed by visitors to Co Kerry is likely to be uttered with a Spanish or Swedish accent this summer. Nearly 400 overseas hotel and restaurant staff will be employed for the season in Kerry, drawn by two factors: Riverdance and Guinness.
A global shortage of head chefs, who currently command an annual wage of up to £40,000 in Kerry, is fuelling the demand for foreign workers in the county's cash-strapped tourism sector, stated the Kerryman.
Bizarrely, while there are hundreds of tourism jobs which cannot be filled by Irish workers, the Kerry people are still demanding more jobs. Kerry has just secured an Objective One consolation prize from the Taoiseach, Mr Ahern, who told the Kerryman that "positive discrimination in favour of Kerry to attract industrialists to set up factories here will have to be considered in the fight to reduce the county's almost 9,000 jobless figure".
Translation: there are plenty of jobs in Kerry but no jobs that Kerry people want.
"Hinting at future announcements, the Taoiseach said Kerry will have to be linked to the broad-band communication network encompassing the Internet to enable the creation of computer-related jobs in the county."
If you thought the latest Irish pop idols had only Louis Walsh to thank, spare a thought for that really crucial person: the Mammy. The Connaught Telegraph reminded us: "Chart topping pop idols Westlife can thank the mother of their lead singer, Shane Filan, for their rise to stardom," it stated. "Mai Filan (nee McNicholas), a native of Ballyglass, Kiltimagh, contacted fellow Kiltimagh native, Louis Walsh, to take the budding starlets under his wing."
Westlife are top of the UK chart with their single Swear it Again, the first time in history a debut release has hit the number one spot.
"This Monday evening people in Rosemary Square, Roscrea, were horrified to find that somebody had dumped a dead sheep in the beautiful, newly-restored fountain," said the Midland Tribune. Not nearly as horrified as Mass-goers in Carlow, who "watched in horror and disgust on Monday morning when a man committed a lewd act in front of them as they arrived for the 10 a.m. Mass at the Cathedral of the Assumption," the Nationalist and Leinster Times said.
The real talking point in Carlow was the record price paid by a Dublin developer for land on the outskirts of the town - almost £100,000 per acre for 71 acres, a total of £7 million, making it the most expensive land deal in Carlow, according to the newspaper. People in Carlow were also agog at the antics of local hurlers. "It seems that trashing hotel rooms isn't confined to rock stars, as Carlow GAA Board this week faces a hefty bill of £500 from a Dundalk hotel, following a night of reported mayhem allegedly caused by members of Carlow county hurling team," stated the paper. "The alleged incident, which included setting off the alarms at the Imperial Hotel, Dundalk, causing a full-scale evacuation of guests, the breaking of a television and furniture and a number of other unsavoury incidents, has once again left Carlow County Board in a storm of controversy," it declared.
"Reports of some players becoming involved in `high jinks' in the early hours of Saturday night resulted in the resignation of team manager Frank Keenan, following just 90 days at the helm."
Ballymena is shocked at becoming "the `burglary belt' of Northern Ireland", stated the Ballymena Guardian. Burglaries are rising in Ballymena while falling across Northern Ireland as a whole, the police say. They can't even keep their livestock under control.
"Runaway cow blasted four times as havoc erupts on M2 bypass," stated the paper. "A vet told yesterday of the dramatic moment four bullets had to be pumped into a runaway cow to prevent a major accident on the M2 by-pass at Ballymena."
Many an amateur actor profited from appearing bloody and limbless in Saving Private Ryan, but few had as overwhelming and realistic a relationship with the film as Graham Smith (20), who last week was awarded £10,000 for injuries he received while filming. Graham was literally run over by a jeep during a shooting a Ballineasker Beach, at Curracloe, said the Wexford Echo.
Greet the Millennium sober: go to Wicklow, suggested the Wick- low People. "You don't have to have champagne to ring in the new Millennium," believes Michael Kelly, a garage proprietor in Rathdrum.
A non-drinker himself, Michael is hoping to run a major, dry millennium celebration in the old `Barry's Ballroom' at Rathdrum.