Afternoon tea is one of life's luxuries and, if you hit on a good one, then you don't have to have another bite all day. However, with everyone working slavishly to feed this beast of an economy, it's not easy to find someone to have afternoon tea with. Try inviting a friend out in the middle of the afternoon to scoff scones and jam and they may say: "Well, I could do it at four so long as we're out of there by quarter to five." That's not the spirit of afternoon tea at all, particularly as there is something about the meal that makes serving staff go extra slow. Still, it wasn't hard to find two candidates for afternoon tea at the Merrion Hotel, and we arrived there sometime after four on a satisfyingly chilly afternoon.
By that time all the best tables in the drawingroom - the ones nearest the two ornate fireplaces - were gone, but we found a couple of armchairs and a sofa in a nice, quiet corner to sink into. You can book fireside tables in advance and it is worth doing so if you have someone special to entertain - a parent who feels the cold perhaps, or a visitor who needs to be impressed. The surroundings are wonderful - the big fire glowing in the Georgian grate, muted mustard walls, elegant old-gold curtains, rich carpet under foot, down cushion under bottom. The plush ambience rubs off on the clientele, the low lamplight and firelight giving people a rich, rosy glow. Many of them are rich anyway - or at least interesting. Last time I had tea here, Jean Kennedy Smith was holding forth in one corner, Gavin O'Reilly was in the other and beside me was an elderly man who was trying to woo a young blonde by telling her she had the best command of the English language he had ever heard.
There was nothing as interesting going on at the tables next to us last week. Nearby, an American couple sat reading novels and glumly eating a bowl of fresh fruit salad each (£5.50) while a group of English ladies were in ecstasies over the real paintings on the walls. Some hard decisions had to be made over the menu. One of us had just had lunch in the Commons and couldn't, in all conscience, have afternoon tea on top of it. Another had been starving herself all day and couldn't wait to get her hands on the finger sandwiches and French pastries. I felt up to a simple open sandwich - smoked trout on fennel bread or peppered pastrami on Finnish rye bread (both £6.50) - but in the event toasted bagels with smoked salmon and cream cheese (£8.50) won out.
Teas, coffees and iced waters were piled onto the order until the waitress looked thoroughly confused, but all was well, it transpired a few minutes later when she reappeared with plates and knives and forks and big, stiff napkins for everyone. "May we suggest a glass of Tattinger Champagne with your Afternoon Tea?" the menu said, and Elizabeth, who was having the afternoon tea, felt she deserved the chilled flute-full as well. Next came tea and coffee in silver-plated pots with hot water, hot milk, cold milk and cream standing by. Then generous dishes of cream and jam - good-quality jam and not in those irritating little pots. Finally, the three-tier cake stand we had all been waiting for. This one listed a little to the left and had a wilted orchid inserted into a green holder that was wound around the handle. We scrutinised the contents. Two split scones on top, two pastries in the middle along with three slices of tea bread, and four sandwiches down below along with a puffy profiterole. Watch out for this one - it looks like an eclair but it is actually filled with creamed egg.
The smoked-salmon bagel took forever to arrive - could they have run out of bagels and had someone gone galloping across to the Bretzel bakery, we wondered - but I wasn't rushing for a plane or a meeting, so the wait was fine. It arrived with profuse apologies and you couldn't fault it. The smoked salmon was generous and delicious - not too oily, pale and expensive-looking and a perfect match for the crumbly cream cheese and totally fresh bagels toasted an even brown. There is enough for two and you can take as much time as you like over it. As to the afternoon tea, the scones were perfectly fresh and buttery and tasted even better heaped up with cream. The walnut bread was very good, the ginger bread a bit less so, and the lemon cake came in too small a slice to be really enjoyable. The sandwiches were excellent, showing how good the Merrion is when it wants to be - most hotels just can't produce decent finger sandwiches because they make them in advance and leave them sweating under cling wrap all afternoon. These were freshly made with decent fillings - roast beef, smoked salmon and, yes, very thin cucumber. As for the cakes, the tiny chocolate slice looked good but tasted a bit spongy and bland, but a miniature fruit tart topped with a huge blackberry made up for it.
Cakes are a vital part of afternoon tea and maybe the choice should be a little bit better here. I can still remember being taken to the Hibernian Hotel on Dawson Street for tea, and being amazed by the tray of cakes the waiter carried over to us at shoulder height, then dropped down to eye level so we could choose what and however many we wanted. Now that was afternoon tea!
MORNING coffee is far less decadent than afternoon tea but in a hotel you still get all the little jugs and plates and knives and forks that can fill a table - even if you're just having coffee and a bread roll. And, if it's bright and early, you can even pretend it's work. At the Radisson last Sunday morning the man at the next table was having the ideal business breakfast - fresh juice, coffee, laptop and mobile, all by himself and parked in front of a window with a nice view of the garden. Most of the others there were just having a peaceful Sunday morning, reading the papers and fortifying themselves with pints and sherries and slices of cake. A slip of a waitress was pushing a huge cake-trolley around the room, lifting the lids to show off big, deep chocolate gateaux, carrot cake and little pastries.
We sat in a deep, comfy sofa and were attended to right away. After we had given our order, two more waiters came to the table to see if we were OK, which is staggeringly attentive by today's standards. We got two very good espressos that came with tiny, shortbread biscuits. The waitress told us most people find the coffee too strong but we loved it. The freshly squeezed orange juice, on the other hand, tasted to me as though it had been watered down. With the conservatory and palm trees and Lloyd Loom chairs, you could imagine yourself in some swanky Far Eastern hotel. Well worth whiling away an hour or two on a dull day. Tea for three at the Merrion, including one glass of champagne, came to £47; morning coffee for two at the Radisson was £6.30.
The Merrion Hotel, Merrion Street, Dublin 2, Tel 01 6030600
The St Helens Radisson Hotel, Stillorgan Road, Blackrock, Co Dublin Tel 01-2186000
Orna Mulcahy can be contacted at omulca@irish-times.ie
