The Eucharist is the very life of the church . . . isn't it a pretence [to partake] if you're not buying into what you're doing and if you do not share the faith?
- The Archbishop of Dublin, Dr Desmond Connell, on his use of the word "sham" to describe Catholics taking Communion in Anglican and other Protestant churches
What Ann Widdecombe's Richard II lacked in ethereality it more than made up in the occasional searing glimpses it gave of the much firmer ruler Richard might have been, had fate allowed him to get a proper grip on himself.
- An unnamed critic's review, just discovered, of the former Tory Minister's performance in a school play
I'm fed up - I just want the media to shut up - I'm hurting.
- The mother of Diana, Princess of Wales, Frances Shand Kydd, in a plea for privacy over recent articles concerning Diana
I hate limos. I'd rather get the tube. It's quicker.
- Heartbeat star Nick Berry
I can't be bothered to talk to you about that.
- Snappy response by TV's normally smiling globetrotter Michael Palin when asked to recall his most amusing Christmas present
Are you all right love? I've just been reading that you're an icon. I hope that's something nice, because I am sick of hearing dreadful things about you.
- A woman passer-by to Julie Goodyear, formerly Bet Lynch in Coronation Street
If people ask me what I know about the Commons and I say tra la la, this, that and the other, and try to bluff my way out, it would kill me, kill my character, and they'd walk away really disappointed, like I'm not the bloke they're expecting.
- Soccer star Vinnie Jones, who is coaching the MPs' football team
I am looking for volunteers who have grown tired of being summoned to vote by vibrating pagers. I believe in a vibrant democracy, but not a vibrating one.
- Ex-BBC war correspondent Martin Bell, inviting other backbenchers to forswear their parties and join him as an in- dependent MP in the Commons
When angels talk to each other, they speak in Mozart; but when they talk to God, they speak Bach.
- Dr Connell
If I see some beautiful new face cream with a five-star recommendation, I am one of the first to go out and buy it. Pure vanity. I am as vain as anybody else.
- The Duchess of Kent
There is more evidence for the existence of Santa Claus than there is for the existence of Jesus. At least you can take your children to see Santa Claus in Selfridges.
- Robert Ashby, director of the British Humanist Association
I am not a great one for outdoor exercise. I'm a bit of a taxi-to-pavement girl, me.
- Actress Denise Welsh, who plays Natalie Horrocks, the scarlet woman of Coronation Street
One thing is certain: governments which leak are not at ease with themselves.
- Labour peer Lord Hattersley
I tried to copy Madonna when I was younger, but I didn't understand the words "Like a Virgin". I thought it was "Like a Gherkin".
- Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell
It was the most unerotic romantic experience you could wish for.
- Actor Linus Roache, describing a passionate love scene with Helena Bonham-Carter
I am just very, very talented. Not many people say that, do they? But it's true.
- Singer and comedienne Tracey Ullman
When you are happy you sing in the shower.
- Luciano Pavarotti
This war will produce music of real anger. Any city has a right to make noise to exorcise what they've been through.
- Bono, after he visited Mostar
Many girls who grow up with a Barbie are growing up with a strong notion of what a woman should look like. Barbie should come with a warning on the box that this product could be harmful to your child's self-esteem.
- Marcia Ann Gillespie, editor-in-chief of Britain's Ms Magazine, on the best-selling doll
The Teletubbie is a symbol of the mad, exploitative commercialism of Christmas, and the way children are exploited.
- Simon Wilson, Curator of Interpretation at the Tate Gallery, London
I was very, very sad about Charlie Haughey. I cried for him. No one needed that, after all that he had done. He is an old man. It was sad to see him humiliated.
- Ben Dunne, on the former Taoiseach's appearance at the McCracken Tribunal
Stakes through the heart are one thing. Severed eyeballs another. In the films we did, you didn't see anything. Leave it to the audience. They'll always think of something worse.
- Actor Christopher Lee, on why he gave up making horror films