HOMER Simpson is in Kilkenny. Well, Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer, is there performing in the Kilkenny CatLaughs festival. Dan says Homer's first impression of this country would be Ireland needs more beer".
This sums Homer up. Who else but an intellectually challenged, culturally deprived fat guy would possibly complain about this island's alcohol supply?
Barbara Bush has called him and his cartoon family "the dumbest thing I've ever seen". George decreed that the American public should be "less like the Simpsons and more like the Waltons". The next episode of the Emmy award winning programme depicted the Simpsons watching the president on TV.
"Why is that expresident guy talking about us?" asked a genuinely puzzled Homer. His 10 year old son Bart was indignant: "But we're just like the Waltons. We're both praying for an end to the recession." Not long after, George was an ex president.
Ireland is about to get better acquainted with the Simpson family of Springfield, USA. We have giggled at their exploits on Sky, guffawed at their antics on the BBC, and in a matter of weeks Network 2 will be rocking to the Homerisms of "Doh!"
"Woo hoo!" and "Mmmmmmmm...
So meet Homer, the man some say bears more than a passing resemblance to our Taoiseach John Bruton. Married to Marge, father of Bart (10), Lisa (8) and baby Maggie. Improbably employed as a safety inspector by millionaire Mr Montgomery Burns in Sector 7G of the Springfield Nuclear Plant. Likes: beer and bowling. Dislikes: going to church and any form of exercise. Homer weighs 240lb, and his fat to flesh ratio is in excess of loo per cent.
"Basically, Homer is like a big huge kid in an adult's body," explains Dan Castellaneta, who is better placed than anyone to comment. "He is not afraid to hide this childishness and that is why I think he appeals to so many people.
And he does appeal. There are literally hundreds of sites on the Internet dedicated to Homer and The Simpsons. Some, like "The First Church of Homer" and "Homer's Brain", pay homage to the unique, ahem, "wisdom" imparted by Homer in various episodes.
Like when he was admitted to college and went around singing, "I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T".
Homer Simpson was born in North Carolina and raised by his father Abraham J. Simpson before moving to Springfield and winning Marge Bouvier's heart. He is a loving husband, and Marge has little cause for complaint. In a letter to Barbara Bush rejecting her "hurtful" comments, Marge told the first lady that she thought they had a lot in common: Each of us is serving an exceptional man."
Marge did once confide to a marriage counsellor that Homer "forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays (religious and secular), chews with his mouth open, hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and lowlifes, blows his nose in the towels and puts them back in the middle and scratches himself with keys".
Comparisons to the head of that jurassic clan The Flintstones are understandably common: Fred Flintstone and Homer Simpson are both blue collar workers with five o'clock shadows and an obsessive relationship with food. But, says Castellaneta, "Fred, besides having more hair, is stubborn in his stupidity. Homer is more pliable and willing to change his behaviour when someone, usually Marge, points out he was wrong.
This ability to change was seen in a recent family spat when Lisa decided to become a vegetarian:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh, heh, he.... ooh ... yeah ... Right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
By the end though, Homer accepted his daughter's right to nutritional freedom. Fred Flintstone would have just got mad.
In a rare interview some months' ago Homer was asked whether he had anything in common with the Greek Homer of epic poetry fame. "Well, I like pitta bread, and that's Greek, right?" he said. "Oh, especially when it's filled with bacon. That's also Greek, right?"
When asked if he could imagine a world without doughnuts he had this to say: "No! A world without doughnuts is like a doughnut without a hole ... Wait, a doughnut without a hole - that would mean more doughnut! I'm a genius."
So if you are in Kilkenny this weekend watch out for a yellow skinned, beer bellied guy eating doughnuts and bacon filled pitta bread. If you miss him Castellanata wants to pass on this message straight from the mouth of Homer: "People of Ireland, if you are ever in Springfield, stop on by. Uh, one at a time." Doh!