Let us take a break this week and have a lighthearted look at things. First we will try a quick IQ test. This test only works if you answer the questions spontaneously. You are running in a race and you overtake the runner in second place. What place are you in now?
Answer: If you said first place you are wrong and you must try harder. You overtook the runner in second place, which now puts you in second place.
You overtake the last runner in the race. What position are you in now?
Answer: If you said last place, you are wrong. How do you explain overtaking the last person? If you are behind them, they cannot be last. Thinking may not be your strong suit.
Do this sum in your head - no notes or calculator. Take 1,000 and add 40. Now add another 1,000 and then add 30. Add 1,000 again, plus 20. Then another 1,000 and then add 10.
Answer: If you answered 5,000 as the total you are wrong. The correct answer is 4,100.
Marie's father has five daughters: 1 Chacha, 2 Cheche, 3 Chichi, 4 Chocho, and 5 is called?
Answer: If you answered Chuchu you are wrong. The answer is Marie - read the question again.
The following list of phrases and their definitions will help anyone reading a scientific report. "A definite trend is evident"- the data are practically meaningless.
"Typical results are shown" - this is the prettiest graph; "In my experience" - once; "In case after case" - twice; "It is believed that" - I think; "Correct within an order of magnitude" - wrong; "According to statistical analysis" - rumour has it; "Thanks to Joe Bloggs for assistance with the experiments and Mary Murphy for valuable discussions" - Joe Bloggs did the work and Mary Murphy explained the results to me.
Some gems of wisdom
Never be afraid to try something new. Remem-ber
amateurs built the Ark and professionals
built the Titanic.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. Time is a great healer, but a lousy beautician. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. Nobody is listening until you make a mistake.
If you had to identify in one word why the human race has never, and will never, achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
You should never confuse your career with your life.How do you make God laugh? Tell Him your plans for your future.
The difference between MDs and PhDs:
Four MDs and four PhDs are going to a meet-ing
by train. The four MDs each have their own ticket, but the four PhDs have one ticket between them. The MDs ask the PhDs, "How are you going to manage with just one ticket between the four of you?" "Just watch," reply the PhDs.
They all get on the train and the four MDs take their seats and hand their tickets to the conductor. But the PhDs all pile into a bathroom, and when the conductor comes by, a single arm reaches out and gives him the ticket.
The MDs, feeling enlightened, decide to try the same thing on the way home, so they purchase just one ticket among four of them.
The PhDs buy no ticket at all. "How are you going to get home?" ask the
MDs? "Just watch," the PhDs reply.When they get on the train, all the MDs pile in-to a bathroom. Three of the PhDs go into another
bathroom. The fourth PhD then knocks on the MDs' bathroom door and says "Ticket please".
Science sayings (mostly):
"This is a one-line proof – if we start sufficient-ly far to the left." "Thus the metric system didn't catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing populari-ty of the nine millimetre bullet." (Dave Barry)
"When I was in school I cheated in my meta-physics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." (Woody Allen)
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case I definitely overpaid for my carpet." (Woody Allen)
University president: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much money for expensive equipment? The maths department requires nothing but money for pencils, paper and erasers. And the philosophy department is
even better. It doesn't even ask for erasers."
Who engineered the human body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"
• More material in the same vein can be seen on the Web under "My Little Sister's Humorous Sayings".
• William Reville is Director of Microscopy and Associate Professor of Biochemistry at UCC