Being a Joe in America is not great for the ego. Volume Two of the Random House Dictionary of American Slang published recently has five pages under Joe and nearly all the entries are unflattering.
Joe Six-pack is complimentary compared to most of the entries, referring to "the ordinary beerdrinking working man". From the TV show Larry King Live the dictionary editors cull the following: "I'd say that the average Russian lives very much like Joe Six-pack." I suppose in Moscow he's called Ivan Vodka.
But it gets worse. Joe Average, for example. The editors have spared no pains to dig out the worst quotations such as "the sidewalk figure of Joe Average eyeing the passing luscious blonde" from a trashy novel called Secret Garden. Banned in Ireland, I hope.
I prefer Joe Balls, a military term meaning "a man who makes a show of toughness". GI Joe made his name in the second World War and Joe Chink was his enemy in the Korean War. One of the songs from that war has "Old Joe Chink coming down the pass Playin' the burp-gun boogie on the CO's ass". But in the navy, Joe Gish is just "an ordinary or non-descript fellow". Just like Joe Schmo who is, guess what? "A non-descript, foolish or unsuccessful fellow, a nobody." If it is any consolation, William Safire in his New York Times column on language wrote that "Joe Schmo is best portrayed by Woody Allen".
My favourite is Joe Cool, "a man who is extremely cool or hip - often used ironically". In the film Dr Durant a character says: "Don't expect me to play Joe Cool, the swinging resident with the nurses."
Yes, that's more like it. A hit with the nurses. But what nurse would want to be seen with Joe Lunchpail, or "an ordinary working man". Time magazine is quoted: "Like many a Joe Lunchpail, he wants to move to the suburbs." What's wrong with the suburbs?
Being Joe College is a bit better - "a typical college man, often used derisively". Pity about the "derisively". Jack Kerouac in his letters refers derisively to "orgiastic Joe Colleges". That could have potential with the nurses.
In the film Saturday's Hero a character snarls: "You wanna to be Joe College. You want to make believe you're a rich little snob like the rest of them." Yes, I do. I do. Anything to get away from being Joe Latrinsky, army slang for "an imaginary person supposed to be the source of latrine rumours". But bad and all as that is, it is better than Joe Shit, "the personification of a slovenly, stupid or worthless fellow, a nobody".
Joe Doakes is a superior figure compared to that. He is defined as "an average or unsophisticated man". Katherine Hepburn in an interview with Life pronounced: "It may be perfectly logical to Joe Doakes for me to look my age, but it will never be logical to me." Sorry, Katherine. You do look your age.
Lucky for her she did not run into Joe the Grinder. He is "a mythical figure presumed to seduce and usually live off the wives and sweethearts of prisoners and military servicemen".
Joe Sad would never do that. He is "Anyone unpopular or undesirable". To rub it in, Reader's Digest describes Joe Sad as a "person without friends".
To be a Joe and be Irish is really a challenge over here. There are three pages of slang expressions with "Irish" and almost all are noted as "now usually considered offensive". An Irish Clubhouse is a jail or police station. An Irish cocktail is a drugged drink.
Irish confetti is stones or bricks thrown in a street brawl. An Irish dividend is a fictitious or non-existent profit. Irish caviar is a meat stew. Irish lace is cobwebs. "Irish lasses" is slang for glasses. An Irish hurricane is "a flat calm at sea".
A lot of these terms date from the 19th century when Irish immigrants, struggling in menial jobs, were the butt of jibes. A wheelbarrow was an "Irish chariot". And H.L. Mencken noted in his work on language: "There was a stock witticism to the effect that it [the wheelbarrow] was the greatest of human inventions since it had taught the Irish to walk on their hind legs."
J.E. Lighter, main editor of the dictionary, speculates about the motives for using slang. He dismisses perhaps too easily the view of the post-modernist critic, Michel Foucault, that some slang was a "terrorist" code for dehumanising and objectifying women and minorities.
I'm feeling a bit dehumanised after perusing Mr Lighter's dictionary. I hear those angels calling "Poor Old Joe".