Sir John Gielgud's ability both to laugh at himself and to amuse others is legendary.
These are some of his well intentioned but devastating comments, affectionately known as "Gielgoofs":
"David Hockney did a drawing of me when I was 70 and I thought that if I really looked like that, I must kill myself tomorrow."
In a telephone conversation with critic Sheridan Morley, later his biographer:
"You'll never believe this: in America they are actually about to name a theatre after a drama critic . . . Oh my God, you are one. Goodbye."
Calling on Richard Burton after a performance which Sir John did not like: "We'll have dinner when you're better . . . I mean ready."
A conversation recalled by playwright John Mortimer after a dinner party attended by Sir John at actor Tony Richardson's house:
"We brought our daughter in a carry cot and I took her upstairs to the spare room. And Sir John said: `Why didn't you leave her at home? Are you afraid of burglars?' "
On being invited to celebrate his 90th birthday at the House of Commons with MPs Glenda Jackson and Gyles Brandreth:
"Yes, I would be delighted to join them. You see, all my real friends are dead."
Shouting at actors during rehearsals for the 1958 play Five Finger Exercise, which he directed: "What on earth are you all doing? This is a nightmare." The actors replied: "We're doing exactly what you told us."
Sir John responded: "You shouldn't have listened to me. You know I can't direct."
On finally accepting the role of the butler in Arthur, which earned him an Oscar for best supporting actor: "Every time I said `no' the price went up and finally, when I accepted, they said `how clever of you' which wasn't the case at all."
Visiting his ailing thespian rival, Laurence Olivier: "Larry! You're dead! I mean . . . you're dying! I mean . . . my poor darling Larry, you don't look at all well!"
Talking about the latter part of his career: "When old men's parts come along now it is either Alec Guinness or Michael Horden or me they turn to, which ever one of us is either the cheapest or available." 991452817