ONCE again Ruairi Quinn won the Loudest Tie in the House Award. These days you can be fairly sure what's in the Budget in advance, but the Minister's ties never cease to surprise.
He had almost all the colours in the rainbow hanging from his neck, and he didn't sell the Government short. Great economic performance ... employment increases ... high growth, investment, consumption and export levels ... falling unemployment and low mortgage rates ... the list went on.
The Opposition listened in silence throughout the eulogy to the economy, some scribbling on paper as the Minister cantered towards the juicy bits.
They woke up as the income tax changes were announced (general jeers and shouts of "tokenism"); they got livelier as the rather small decrease in the standard employers' PRSI rate from 12.2 to 12 per cent emerged (exaggerated laughs and a shout of "wow" in a sarcastic tone); they got quite worked up for the 3 per cent social welfare weekly payments increase (looks of disgust, some overacting, and cries of "shame ... pathetic ... miserly").
For some reason, the grant payable on the birth of twins was increased by 150 per cent from £200 to £500, and for some reason, this gesture was greeted by sustained laughter. So loud was the general sniggering that most deputies missed the announcement of a further payment of £500 to be paid in respect of twins reaching four years of age, and again when they reach the age of 12.
Good news too for producers and processors of poultry and glassmakers. Excise duty on something called Non-Automotive LPG has been cut by 0.44 pence per litre. This, Mr Quinn assured us, will be good for those dealing in poultry and glass, and who am I to say otherwise.
Charlie McCreevy talked of DL tails wagging FG dogs, and then moved on to bears. The Teddy Bears' Picnic was his chosen parable, as he described DL and Labour bears getting a nice surprise in the Budget, while the "blue ribboned Fine Gael bears" were far from gruntled.
"This is unbearable," said John Bruton, as Mr McCreevy's allegory became more and more obscure. Mr DeRossa was effectively a "rotating Taoiseach" said Mr McCreevy. "I'm not getting paid for it," Mr DeRossa remarked to Mr Bruton.
The Tnoiseach and his Ministers guffawed, and indeed the allegedly ideologically riven ego-driven Ministers were a picture of unity as they sat on the Government benches. John Bruton sat with Ruairi Quinn on one side and Dick Spring on the other. Dick Spring had Proinsias De Rossa on his other side. They chatted to each other from time to time, John made an inaudible wisecrack to Ruairi when he sat down, Dick chatted with John, John smiled with Proinsias.
Visually, they were a far cry from the "home for the bewildered" which Mr McCreevy said the Taoiseach was running. In the last week, claimed Mr McCreevy, a Labour source had said Pat Rabbitte's ego was "spinning out of control"; another Government source had said Dick Spring was "so bloody touchy"; Proinsias De Rossa had called some of Richard Bruton's proposals "daft". And all this was in the newspapers.
"The Taoiseach is running some kind of an asylum," said Mr McCreevy, whose inmates were suffering from "a new disease called Pre-Budget Tension".
Pat Rabbitte and Richard Bruton were absent for the Budget speech and Mr McCreevy's condemnation, but they turned up on RTE television during the afternoon. No egos were reported spinning out of control as both men heaped definitive praise on Mr Quinn's Budget.
When he finished, Mr Quinn went off to brief journalists. Proinsias De Rossa had a briefing as well.